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A Special Message to Dad on Fathers Day: Suck It

21 Jun

My father and I are not close.  Not even a little bit.  Long boring story short, he pretty much walked out on us when I was about 6.  His idea of maintaining a relationship with us involved taking us on vacation every once in awhile, a phone call about twice a year, and maybe (just maybe) a birthday card.  He’s kind of like that funny rich uncle who is fun to get together with, but who’s the last person that you’d call in a pinch. 

He’s married to this witch of a woman whom my sister and I cannot stand.  Having to listen to her talk is like listening to nails on a chalkboard.  It’s painful, so we avoid it at all costs.  Instead we exchange emails every once in awhile and consider that to be good enough.

And then Fathers’ Day comes along and ruins it all.  I had a super plan on how to avoid actually having to deal with him.  I called him using Sly Dial.  Genius!  If you don’t know about Sly Dial, you’re missing it out.  The free service will dial someone’s phone and shoot you straight to voicemail.  It’s gold.  Seriously.  So I sly dialed my dad and left him a message and told him how bummed out I was that I didn’t get to talk to him.

He called me back.  Damn it!  The whole point of the sly dial is so that I could avoid talking to him.  Boo!!