My Stripper Name

18 Jun

You have to wonder how hookers, porn stars, and strippers come up with their stage names.

I do, however, know that Jenna Jameson came up with her name because she wanted a JJ name and her brother suggested Jameson because they happened to be drinking Jameson whiskey at the time.  In fact, I know a lot of things about Jenna Jameson (other than she’s a porn star who is VERY lippy).  It’s incredible what you’ll learn by reading someone’s autobiography.  Coincidentally, although she’s a very savvy business woman, she’s also kind of stupid.  Shocker, I know.

Anyway, a few years aback some friends and I decided we’d come up with our own stripper names – just in case Corporate America didn’t pan out.  As I was drinking an iced mocha at the time, I was inspired.  The name I went with is “Cocoa Latte.”  Just imagine the house lights going down in some dingy ass bar and hearing the announcer say,

Ladies and gentlemen [even though it would only be 2 toothless strung out strippers, the manager, and some fat old clients] please put your hands together and welcome to the stage COCOA LATTE!

It’s gold!

What would your stripper name be?

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21 Responses to “My Stripper Name”

  1. justatitch June 18, 2009 at 12:13 pm #

    I actually really like my “formulaic” stripper name of first pet + street you grew up on. Mine would be Ginger River Run. I like it.

    Some people luck out and have a good name, then other’s have stupid names like Bob 32nd Street. That name sucks dogs. -CS

  2. Melissa June 18, 2009 at 1:24 pm #

    I also read Jenna Jameson’s autobiography. It was an amazing book – a seriously troubled life that ended up in pure, dirty success and power. Inspiring for even the most prude of readers and especially for those adventurous closet cases, like myself 🙂

    The book was an interesting read, but I was disappointed.

    I think she had always come across as a smart woman, but then reading the book she came across as an idiot sometimes. I feel bad for her. And in some ways, I envy her too. -CS

  3. Justine June 18, 2009 at 1:28 pm #

    My formulaic stripper name is Inga Stoney Battery. Hmm. I could also be Inga Gilbert or Inga Rivoli Landing.

    If I had to choose, though, I’d love to go with Tits McGee or Ivana Humperdink. So klassy.

    I kind of like Inga Stoney Battery. But you’d have to walk around with battery operated stuff all the time. -CS

  4. Cameron June 18, 2009 at 1:30 pm #

    Since I’m a dude, I’ll give myself a pimp name:

    Johnny Smackdown

    Love. It! -CS

  5. Del-V June 18, 2009 at 1:38 pm #

    If I was an Asian porn star I would be Hung Long Wang or Knee Lo Dong.

    And if you were a gay Asian porn star you could be Wang Lik Dong. -CS

  6. Jane Wonder June 18, 2009 at 1:51 pm #

    I’m guessing Daphne (the Dumb) Poplar would be no good?

    It’s meh. Not bad. You’d have to spell it “Daf-knee” -CS

  7. Nellie June 18, 2009 at 1:56 pm #

    My g-friends and I did this over cocktails one night and these are the names that we came up with: Sonja VonKlit, Brandi Lickalot, Lola Martini, and our token black girl, Molly Asses. That was an effing redonkuless night! Although I have to say, I also can not remember when I had peen, so I think the new one would be Anita Dick!

    Those are HILARIOUS! -CS

  8. ilana June 18, 2009 at 2:02 pm #

    Formulaic: Pepper Shoreland or Misty Lexington.

    Misty Lexington is more of a stretch (not my FIRST pet or street, but still a pet and street from my lifetime), but Pepper Shoreland sounds too much like an old society lady. I need that special trailer park feel.

    AHAHAHAHAHA!! Pepper Shoreland!! I can totally picture her getting her tea and lecturing the local neighborhood hoodlums. AHAHAHAHA! -CS

  9. jenny June 18, 2009 at 3:11 pm #

    wow if I followed the formula I would be Bobalou 110th Street. klassy

  10. jon June 18, 2009 at 3:51 pm #

    The Paralyzer or Knob Hill or Dixie Normous or Brad “Banana” Splitz ……..A little too much? Maybe. Hey, a guy gotta go with the tools of the trade that put food on the table doesn’t he?

  11. Bored Housewife June 18, 2009 at 6:24 pm #

    following the formula, I would be Trixie Fleetwood. Not too bad. It had ‘wood’ in it…

  12. Jenna June 18, 2009 at 7:35 pm #

    We did the formula of middle name + street as teens and I would have been Marie River. If we make it pets, Bandit River. Which is kind of hilarious.

    The best, though, is that my best friend’s porn name would have been Renee Liberty, and then I went to college and actually met a girl with that very name. I could never quite look her in the eye.

  13. Annabel June 18, 2009 at 9:14 pm #

    if i follow the formula, my stripper name would be Merlot Fisher, which isn’t too bad 😛

  14. kndaf23 June 18, 2009 at 9:40 pm #

    Ugh, if I follow the formula my stripper name would be Happy Owl, which is just wrong. To me it conjurers up images of some librarian with a cardigan and the “faux pearls” attached glasses. Wait a minute, I could be on to something… either that or I could be some “Indian princess” Either way I’ve had way to much wine and not enough dinner tonight!

  15. maria June 18, 2009 at 10:57 pm #

    As a former stripper I came by my name by way of another girl thinking of it for me.. Mia ( a play on Maria), when I started dancing I had the name Gemini, ( like the zodiac sign) then changed it to Nikki ( like Nikki Sixx of motley crue) if I did the formlaric way my name would be : princess main. I still love your coco latte thats great =) most of the girls I knew when I was dancing got theirs from; playboy and penthouse magazines they’d take the names off the centerfolds lol, whatever works I guess…

  16. Hookdntx June 19, 2009 at 9:32 am #

    My formulaic stripper name makes me sound like a transvestite….. Cinnamon Adonis

  17. Sophie June 19, 2009 at 10:01 am #

    Percy Mary Stevenson. Hmm, erotic.

  18. Dani June 19, 2009 at 6:50 pm #

    Jenna and I have a lot in common. By formula my stripper name would be Marie Bradford which sounds like some rich bitch. By pets it would be Bandit Bradford which just sounds ridiculous. Tell me, why were all of these parents giving their daughters middle names of Marie and naming the pets Bandit?

  19. Wynn June 20, 2009 at 7:38 pm #

    I’m trying to figure it out, and while I’m thinking, I thought I’d (yeah, a lot of brain activity right now, it’s not good for me) check those constructors. Caramel, Sapphire Leatherthong and in the end, Roxy, has been the best three so far. I’ve never investigated a career as a stripper so I don’t have a name, shame on me,

  20. Wynn June 20, 2009 at 7:46 pm #

    Oh, after the random pet name+street thingie with a few modifications because the straight off petname+street doesn’t work in my language, I get Bossy Endurance, Kitty New, Bunny Farmer, Chilly North and now my head hurts so I can’t come up with more. (insert silent laughter)

  21. Dani June 21, 2009 at 5:42 am #

    I am in love with Wynn’s Bossy Endurance and Kitty New. In fact, I cannot say which I love more.

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