Archive | 12:06 pm

The Things that Claude has Taught Me

16 Jun

I consider myself to be “in the know”.  I like to think of myself as “cool” and “intelligent”.  I’d even venture to say that I’m “experienced”.  But then I hang out with Claude and it makes me change my mind about everything.  Apparently, I live in a bubble.

Being friends with Claude has taught me so many things.  The straight culture is so different from the gay culture, and it makes me feel like those of us that are straight are really missing out.  Some of the stories that Claude and Mary Diva have shared with me make me believe that they live in a porno movie.  Why can’t I live in a porno movie? 

Here are the top 10 lessons that Claude (along with Mary Cocoa Butter and Mary Diva) has taught me.

  1. On dating websites, always lead with the face, not with your manbits.
  2. A 3-some can easily turn into a 5-some.
  3. Always bring lube to the party.
  4. There are deep set and shallow set anuses.
  5. The term “poppers” has nothing to do with jalapenos.
  6. At “Bear” Happy Hour, one is looking for honeypots on the loose (but not loose honeypots).
  7. If you’re interested in someone, all you need to do is grab your crotch.
  8. A bathroom at the office is a perfectly acceptable place for meating meeting a friend.
  9. A top is looking for a bottom, and a bottom is looking for a top. 
  10. Vitamin BJ will cure a sore throat.