A Modern Day Mystery

3 May

I’m not wearing any pants. 

The crazy thing is, that just minutes ago I was cleaning my bedroom.  Suddenly, I’m sitting on my bed not wearing any pants.

How the heck did that happen?

What a waste of a pantless evening.  There’s not even anyone around (for miles) to enjoy it.  Man, my life sucks. 

Here’s something that doesn’t suck: Jewcy’s hot friend that I met this afternoon.  He is delicious, like candy.  For some reason, Jewcy Bits had been a little bitch and she’s been keeping him all to herself.  Why?  Easy, because she is a man hording whore.  Damn you, Jewcy.  Damn you straight to hell – whatever the Jewish version of it might be.

Unfortunately, I’m pretty sure that Jewcy’s hot friend has zero interest in me.  There are several reasons for this, all which I will now cover for you.  You’re welcome:

  1. I didn’t bother to shower this morning. 
  2. Every single place I mentioned that I liked, he said he detested.
  3. I looked nothing like the waifish blonds that he was admiring.  Rather, I look like 2 of them put together. 
  4. When the guy in the booth next to me said, “Excuse me, I didn’t want to bump you,” Jewcy’s hot friend heard me say, “That’s okay, I haven’t been bumped in so long that I don’t even remember what it’s like.”

It’s times like this that I hate my life.

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12 Responses to “A Modern Day Mystery”

  1. Chef Green May 3, 2009 at 8:31 pm #

    You poor dear. From pig kisses to pant-misses, you never cease to amaze.

  2. Sid May 4, 2009 at 4:52 am #

    Hahaha. When a guy isn’t interested in me I like to pretend that he’s gay. I mean why else wouldn’t a guy be interested in me? (=

  3. Del-V May 4, 2009 at 5:25 am #

    If you didn’t shower did you at least brush your teeth?

  4. Red May 4, 2009 at 7:31 am #

    Oh, CS. Did you not know she was bringing company?

  5. evenrant May 4, 2009 at 9:48 am #

    Ok – lets get this straight — you were sitting on the bed –no pants on — thinking about Jewcy Bits and a hot guy –what exactly were you doing on the bed!

  6. Jewcy Bits May 4, 2009 at 10:33 am #

    Let’s get one thing straight… I didn’t know people would be joining us. It’s not my fault I’m so flippin popular that I run into people I know wherever I go. Don’t hate. Besides, I think you got my friend’s attention when you “accidentally” spilled your breakfast on your shirt and tried to casually remove it. You’re the queen of subtle.

  7. Jewcy Bits May 4, 2009 at 10:33 am #

    Let’s get one thing straight… I didn’t know people would be joining us. It’s not my fault I’m so flippin popular that I run into people I know wherever I go. Don’t hate. Besides, I think you got my friend’s attention when you “accidentally” spilled your breakfast on your shirt and tried to casually remove it. You’re the queen of subtle.

  8. jon May 4, 2009 at 10:37 am #

    Dedicating herself to the war on cheap, bogus iconic beauty: CS dropped trow and mooned every waifish blond that walked by her house today.

  9. HonestChitChat May 4, 2009 at 12:52 pm #

    While I was reading your post I was wondering how many perverts would comment on the fact you’re not wearing pants….it seems as if I’m the pervert.

  10. the ambiguous blob May 5, 2009 at 10:23 am #

    Do ya think maybe your sparkly personality would win him over? No? Try vodka.

  11. Wynn May 7, 2009 at 7:38 am #

    Ohh, I made one of those comments too. With Mr.Busy. There were a silent minute of contemplation after it, where I had to come up with something to say really fast. I only made it worse. But apparently, he still likes me. Jolly gosh. That guy you’re telling about sounds like a bore.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. I’m alive « My Jewcy Bits - May 4, 2009

    […] May 5, 2009 by Jewcy Bits What up, yo. No, I haven’t been locked up by that whore, Catherinette, because she is jealous of my hot male friends. […]

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