Dear Smoke Stack, . . .

14 Apr

It’s been two days since I was the recipient of the world’s worst kiss.  The mediocre date is over, and it’s time to move on.  Only problem is that Smoke Stack hasn’t been informed that his tour ends here. 

He’s a nice guy, but I’m just not feeling him.  Add in the awful kissing debacle AND the fact that he has a gold Mustang (oh, did I forget to tell you that?) and all signs point to the peen counter continuing to tick on.

Yesterday he emailed me at work to inform me that he’d had a wonderful time the night before, and he was looking forward to the next time.  Yeah, I haven’t quite told him that there will never be a next time.  What the hell am I supposed to do?  I feel like a lame ass just not talking to him anymore, but I’m also totally immature and not mature enough to tell him that the chemistry (or should I say “lack of chemistry”) has killed all chances of going any further.

Blech, I hate this part.

So, dear readers, I turn to you.  What the hell am I supposed to do with this poor bastard?

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26 Responses to “Dear Smoke Stack, . . .”

  1. Aritza, goddess of .. April 14, 2009 at 1:01 pm #

    Yes, it would be a little immature to run away from this situation but .. eh .. what the heck.. we still do it sometimes !

    However, if you’re feeling too guilty for that option .. reply to the e-mail saying :
    “Dear poor bastard, I don’t normally do this .. blah blah blah (insert bullshit here).. but I don’t think we hit it off. Please don’t take this the wrong way ..blah blah blah (insert more bullshit here).. but I won’t be seeing you again.
    Not truly yours, Catherinette”

  2. Philly April 14, 2009 at 1:13 pm #

    Aritza said it perfectly. Do the email thing, or not.

  3. KV April 14, 2009 at 1:43 pm #

    Just tell him you’re glad he had a good time and that you did too, but you don’t think it’s a love match.

  4. KV April 14, 2009 at 1:44 pm #

    Oh, and I’d also do it by email. I hate confrontation, but I hate being a deadbeat, non-responsive jerk even more.

  5. Del-V April 14, 2009 at 2:05 pm #

    Obviously, I don’t practice what I preach. But tell him the truth so he can move on.

  6. Mike April 14, 2009 at 2:06 pm #

    I always act like I would want to be treated. Just call him and tell him there was no chemistry for you.

  7. Red April 14, 2009 at 2:20 pm #

    It was one date. I totally think email is acceptable.

  8. Tony Alva April 14, 2009 at 2:47 pm #

    You could teach the poor boy how to smooch better? Just a thought…

  9. bethie April 14, 2009 at 2:49 pm #

    Maybe he reads your blog??

  10. teethmarksonmybreast April 14, 2009 at 3:41 pm #

    I was once the recipient of a fish mouthed kiss. It was last year or the year before I think and my skin still crawls thinking about it. Ugh! It is a deal breaker for sure.
    I would say something non-committal in an email response. When/If he calls then say you’d rather not pursue a relationship or something like that.

    [new reader – great blog]

  11. Kimizzy April 14, 2009 at 3:48 pm #

    Tell him you have to wash your hair.

  12. k April 14, 2009 at 3:48 pm #

    It was one crappy date, just email the sloppy kissin bastard.

    Here’s what I would write: I’m glad you had a good time. I had a good time too. That said, I think we may be better as friends (not really). I didn’t really feel there was any chemistry between us, but I enjoy talking to you.

    Or somewhere along those lines. No need to make it a long rejecting email. One or two short paragraphs would be sufficient.

    Hope that helps 🙂

  13. The Ambiguous Blob April 14, 2009 at 4:56 pm #

    HAHAHHAHAAAA hAHAHHaaa HAaaaa. Gold mustang. Every time I see a mustang, I think of you. This helps. You should go on another date with him.
    You owe us that much, as your loyal followers.
    I bow down to the mustang make outs.
    GO ASK HIM WHEN HE’LL TAKE YOU OUT AGAIN.
    See if he’ll pick you up and you can just take a nice, long drive along the coast. of the lake thing. Wait- was that an ocean in the harbor? I couldn’t tell. Ask him to drive you around the harbor. You can “cruise” with all the youngins.
    Hhaahahaha haaaaa hahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa.

  14. Dani April 14, 2009 at 6:59 pm #

    Email – it is not you, it’s me. It’s not us. Thanks for a good time. Something generic. It won’t matter.

  15. Elisabeth April 14, 2009 at 7:50 pm #

    This is when being an adult stinks but be honest. Just say you don’t feel any chemistry.

    Or copy and paste the post about what kissing him was like. That pretty much says it all.

  16. Melissa G April 15, 2009 at 6:09 am #

    Just tell him that the audience voted on another candidate so there will be no second date.

    Seriously though, I’ve found that people that kiss badly usually don’t know they do. If you feel this is the one (big) thing holding that chemistry back then teach him.
    Take the reins, mamasita! Teach that boy how it’s done! Yee hawww! Oh. sorry. Moving on…

  17. Foxy Luv April 15, 2009 at 6:31 am #

    I think he will figure it out when you don’t give him a laminate.

  18. Catherinette April 15, 2009 at 7:19 am #

    Aritza: here’s the thing, I’m totally immature and I’m happy to admit it. Though I might go ahead and use your suggested email…

    Philly: It’s in the works…

    KV: I hate confrontation too, it’s the worst-next to the non-responsive jerk thing.

    Del-V: Practicing what you preach is lame. I don’t do it either. Safe sex. Taking responsiblity for your actions, etc… Lame.

    Mike: You’re so mature! Teach me your crazy ways.

    Red: You complete me. 🙂

    Tony Alva: F that noise. That would require having to endure a little more of that atrocity. NO!

    bethie: Yeah, not so much.

    teethmarksonmybreast: First of all, welcome. Second, I’m sorry you had to endure such a terrible kiss-so awful!! Third, feel free to craft the email for me…

    Kimizzy: Forever?

    k: Maybe I’ll just have to combine what you and Artiza said.

    Tabbie: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! Why do you hate me so much??

    Dani: Poor slob will probably cry himself to sleep every night for a year. Or not.

    Elisabeth: Yeah, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind seeing the post. That wouldn’t make him feel awful.

    Melissa G: Even if he was a better kisser there would still be zero chemistry. No saving this guy.

    Foxy Luv: As discussed, I’ll just be updating my facebook status to inform him that his tour ends here.

    -CS

  19. O.G. April 15, 2009 at 10:25 am #

    I don’t know the background here but one date doesn’t require you to tell him anything. Either way I have found the time that I actually tell the other person the truth I feel better about myself for handling it maturely.

  20. theblacktulip April 15, 2009 at 10:45 am #

    I don’t think you have to do anything.

    If he continues to call/email then you can just tell him that you’re really busy right now (blame work, family, AIDS, whatever) and you don’t see any possibility of going out in the forseable future…usually they get the hint. no one is THAT busy.

    but really, one date doesn’t require any explanation.

  21. Wynn April 15, 2009 at 12:02 pm #

    You have to tell him, otherwise he’ll call and call and mail and whaaaathappened and next time you meet it’s totally awkward and all kinds of stuff. Just end it, and it’ll be so much easier and less to think about.

  22. Maggie Garcia April 15, 2009 at 12:54 pm #

    Tell him you have aids, duh!!

  23. Wendy April 15, 2009 at 2:07 pm #

    I agree with posters above that one date doesn’t require much explaination. I’d probably punk out and just go radio silent… but then I’m kind of a bitch. Haha.

  24. Kimizzy April 15, 2009 at 2:20 pm #

    Definitely. Add that at the end.

  25. Eric April 15, 2009 at 5:35 pm #

    Life is too short for bad kissing.

  26. Sooz April 18, 2009 at 6:41 am #

    Maybe he doesn’t tongue kiss until the 3rd date…

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