You Owe it to the General Public

31 Mar

You know those people that hang out at the beach that make you wonder, “what on God’s green earth made her believe that she looked good in THAT bathing suit?” The one that has a tad too much cottage cheese and saddle bags big enough to serve as a weekend travel bag?

Bathing suit season is upon us, and there’s nothing that makes me want to slit my wrists like trying to squeeze my fat butt into a bathing suit I have no business being in.

I don’t want to hear the fat on my legs slap together when I run up the stairs.

I don’t want to be the funny chubby friend.

I don’t want to be the one that guys see and make them think, “she’d be pretty if she would just lose a few pounds.”

I’m not going to be that person this year.  And I don’t want you to be either. 

It’s time to banish back fat!! You know you could use that extra kick in the ass, so join me in Operation Muffin Top(ple)!

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11 Responses to “You Owe it to the General Public”

  1. Chef Green March 31, 2009 at 11:29 am #

    Oh, I hear ya girlie. I just wanna be skinny!!!

    Actually, I tried to become bulimic, but swiftly learned that I have finally sucked so much cock that I cannot induce vomiting without a truckload of booze.

    Anorexia, table for one?

    I’ll pass on the eating disorders, you can totally keep those all for yourself. 🙂 -CS

  2. KiKi March 31, 2009 at 11:31 am #

    “I don’t want to hear the fat on my legs slap together when I run up the stairs.

    I don’t want to be the funny chubby friend.”

    bwahahahaha.

    My chins whistle when they rub together.

    Such a hot image… -CS

  3. Del-V March 31, 2009 at 11:36 am #

    You aren’t fat. I would totally do you.

    Aw, that is so sweet of you to say! I’m touched! -CS

  4. jon March 31, 2009 at 12:49 pm #

    CS, I don’t know if you need to lose any weight or not, but I do know that guys almost never like it when a girl says “i forget exactly what look i was going for yesterday, saddle bag chic?”

    Exactly, and that is why I’m getting rid of those bags. They don’t go with anything I own. -CS

  5. older March 31, 2009 at 1:10 pm #

    You can do it! You’re obviously smart, and terribly funny, and overall, you present a very hot image. and now youre motivated to get even hotter. wow! (i think i would totally do you, too, and that’s sight unseen.) Im just saying.

    nanny garcia will no doubt make dirisive comments about that bold statment. oh, well.

    You totally complete me right now. I heart you! -CS

  6. Philly March 31, 2009 at 1:17 pm #

    My hub pinched some of my back fat last week. Ouch, that hurt!

    What an a-hole! -CS

  7. Maggie Garcia April 1, 2009 at 6:10 am #

    Oh, boo to appearances. Yesterday I told The Butler I would no longer be shaving my legs. To which he replied, “That’s cool. But don’t even try to give me some feminist excuse – I know it’s just because you’re lazy.”

    And then I laughed so hard I lizzed** because he was 100% RIGHT.

    And I would LOVE to make some rude comments … just after I get over your spelling of dErisive. I left you a fucking voicemail yesterday and you repay me by writing on someone else’s blog. Douche.

    Clearly you don’t have the muffin top I do, otherwise you wouldn’t be saying that.

    PS. I heart Older! Don’t you DARE talk to him like that! -CS

    • older April 1, 2009 at 7:49 am #

      Oh, snap (as my daughter is now fond of saying).

      first, you bust my ass about a misspelling, THEN you call me a douche?!?!?!? As hard as it is to believe, i dont know if Ive ever been called that. and Ive been called a lot of bad names. a lot of times.

      Isnt it funny that we are now communicating through Catherinette-world? did you really expect me to call you back? you didnt ask me to, just said yo yo yo its nanny garcia.

      You totally still complete me. -CS

  8. Maggie Garcia April 1, 2009 at 6:10 am #

    ** lizzed = laughed + whizzed

    HILARIOUS! -CS

  9. Andrew April 1, 2009 at 4:01 pm #

    You mean you don’t want to be the recipient of a ‘slap it and ride the ripple’ ??

    Pretty much. I also don’t want to be the girl that they have to roll in flour and go for the wet spot. -CS

  10. Yvonne April 5, 2009 at 4:21 pm #

    OMG, you are so funny! OK, I’ll join your muffin top club, I love muffins! LOL

    Ok, but seriously, I’ve just dicovered your blog, and I love it. See you again soon!

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