God Freaking Damn It!!

26 Mar

Disney just informed me that I had a run in my god damned stocking.  I just took a peek at the back of my leg-it’s not a run, it’s a fucking giagantic hole (twss)!!

That’s 2 fucking pairs of stockings that I ruined today.

I FUCKING HATE STOCKINGS!!

Damn you, Society and the World, for forcing us to throw money away on something that barely lasts 30 fucking god damned seconds. 

Awesome.  Just fucking awesome.  I’ve probably been walking around the whole god damned day with the biggest fucking run in the world.  There is nothing that will make you look like a jack ass like having a big fat fucking run in your stocking.  It’s kind of like having food stuck in your teeth.

ERGH!!

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16 Responses to “God Freaking Damn It!!”

  1. Vegetable Assassin March 26, 2009 at 12:50 pm #

    See this is why I like pants. Although don’t get me wrong, I have managed to embarrass myself on numerous occasions with those too. But yeah, who thought sheer nylon was a good idea? No one.

  2. Red March 26, 2009 at 12:59 pm #

    I’ve always thought women should get a special tax break. Men don’t have to worry about stockings.

  3. srg March 26, 2009 at 1:02 pm #

    Isn’t that the fucking worst? This is why those stocking manufacturers should only charge 10 cents a pair. Cause they run so easily, you need several pairs just to make through the day.

  4. Cosmo March 26, 2009 at 1:19 pm #

    I think I can top you. Yesterday, I was heating up my yummy frozen Amy’s Lunch. I was starving, so I tried to hurry back to my desk (no lunch break for me, the task masters…uhh I mean managers have whips ). Of course, I dropped my yummy lunch all over the horrible office carpet.
    Not only did I miss out on my lunch, but everyone (since it was the main hallway) got to see me cleaning it up.

  5. Shawn March 26, 2009 at 1:19 pm #

    Society and the World, always trying to bring a brother down. Well, a sister. Your post title is my favorite angry exclamatory, by the way. Except not “freaking”.

  6. Chef Green March 26, 2009 at 2:17 pm #

    How mortifying! The shame! I’m so sorry.

    Would it cheer you up to know that I once ripped my pants at work and had to tie another apron (thank god I’m a chef!) around my rear so everyone wouldn’t see my sexy gay guy underwear?

    It looked like I was wearing a man-skirt all night long. So. Hot.

  7. Nikki March 26, 2009 at 2:21 pm #

    I have refused to wear stockings for about 10 years now. Including in winter. I’d rather be cold than wrapped in nylon, unless I’m robbing a gas station. Fight the man sister, fight the man!

  8. Kimizzy March 26, 2009 at 2:34 pm #

    No. It’s much worse than food stuck in your teeth.

    It’s like missing a tooth altogether. Right in front.
    And then having a cigarette hanging out of the side of your mouth.
    And then having a baby in your arms, another in the oven, and walking around barefoot with really bad blue eyeshadow and mucky roots.

    I feel you. Fuck society.

  9. Amy March 26, 2009 at 2:35 pm #

    I have to say this…..How the hell old are you that you even wear stockings? My grams wears stockings.
    Unless of course stocking comes with a garter belt? Totally different……this may all tie into no peen…..
    I am just sayin’, something to consider

  10. jon March 26, 2009 at 2:53 pm #

    No, No, No. You got it all wrong. Except perhaps in limited situations most men don’t give a rats ass if women wears nylon stocking or not. How she makes herself attractive should totaly be her own recipie, nylons or not.

    I’m no math whiz, but if nylons get you that kind of attention consistantly and even if they cost $3 a minute, it migh be a good investment.

  11. Mr London Street March 26, 2009 at 4:10 pm #

    It could be worse, you could have stocking stuck between your teeth. That’s not a date I particularly care to remember, let me tell you.

  12. theblacktulip March 26, 2009 at 5:15 pm #

    screw the stockings. just go without.

    and then go out and get a martini after work. That will make you feel better.

  13. Jane Wonder March 27, 2009 at 6:53 am #

    Stick with me here, this is going to sound retarded. When you buy new stockings, pop them in the freezer overnight. There was some research done that proved it did something to strengthen the nylon and make them more resistant to runs. I got far fewer when I started doing that. And even if I’m full of shit, it can’t hurt anything right?

    Unless of course some hot guy opens your freezer and sees a bunch of stockings in there. So, you know, watch out for that.

    PS – Dead serious about the freezing though. Really.

  14. Maggie Garcia March 27, 2009 at 6:56 am #

    Um, stockings? Ha ha.

  15. evenrant March 27, 2009 at 8:45 am #

    On a personal not – I like to remove stockings.

  16. The Ambiguous Blob March 27, 2009 at 3:17 pm #

    I only wear fishnets or stockings with MAYJUH sparkles on them.

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