Archive | 12:18 pm

Repost: Grow Up

24 Mar

Every once in awhile, when I’d rather gouge out both eyes than actually do work, I’ll go back through my posts to find out what I was doing a year or two ago.  As it turns out, a year ago I was going out and buying beer and codoms.  Here’s the thing: I have absolutely ZERO idea why the hell I was buying condoms as there wasn’t a peen in site!

Grow Up
(originally posted 03/23/08)

When did this happen? No, I’m not referring to a herp sore or how I’ve managed to gain 40+ pounds since I graduated from college 13 years ago. I have a hard time pinpointing the exact moment that I became an adult.

I find myself wondering about this from time to time when I’m laying (alone, oh so very alone) in my bed in the home I bought with my very own money (and the money that my mom and dad so generously gave me). There’s a list of things that I run down when the question pops into my head.

  • I own a single family home. Sure the yard is an absolute freaking disaster, but it’s mine and I can do whatever I want with it. And that includes never having had the gutters cleaned since I bought the house in 2003.
  • I own a car. Which desperately needs an oil change…and has needed one for about 6 months now.
  • I mow my own lawn. And the water meter too.
  • I pay my bills on time (usually). Depending on whether or not it’s going to get in my way of boozing.
  • I have a job. Scratch that, I have a career-complete with benefits, paid vacation, business cards and a shiny title.

Yet none of these things makes me feel like a grown up. In my mind, I’m still that insecure, teenager from high school. The one that was too shy to talk to boys, and would turn bright red if the teacher ever called on my in class. The girl that would watch from the sidelines as her crush flirted with another girl.

We all have our moments of immaturity, I probably have more than most people, but the fact is that I am an adult. The realization hit me this morning when I was reminding myself to run an errand at lunch time. This is the ultimate errand in adulthood-nothing beats this. Nothing.

I’m going out to buy a 12 pack of beer and condoms.

I’m so boss it freaking hurts me. Maybe I’ll pick up a copy of the Economist and yell at some kids to get their asses in school. I’m totally grown up. Either that or I really am in high school and I’m borrowing my older sister’s fake ID so I can score some Milwaukee’s Best.

An Open Letter to the Work Day

24 Mar

Dear Work Day,

I think we need to talk.  You and I have been together for nearly 3 hours and already you’re smothering me.  I feel like you are demanding too much of me and that I’m being forced to do things that I don’t want to do.

Let’s take a break from one another.  It’s for the best.  What’s say you just go ahead and end so I can go home and eat my feelings?

Sincerely, Catherinette

Just the Tip Tuesday 03/24/09

24 Mar

I’m a child of the 80’s.  I grew up watching The Smurfs, was one of the first on my block with an Atari, remember when car phones were heavy and the calls each cost about $6 per minutes, and I remember the brat pack.

Oh how I longed to be a member of that entourage.  If only I could sit Molly Ringwald down for 5 minutes to tell her how I too had given my panties away to some geek at a dance.  Or tell Judd Nelson that I knew he was full of feelings and didn’t need to worry about that rough exterior.  Or tell Ally Sheedy that I hated her and had no idea why people liked her because she sucked as an actress.  Or maybe even mention to Anthony Michael Hall that steroids were bad and he should stay away for him.

And how I longed to tap Rob Lowe’s brat pack.

rob-lowe

Remember that sex tape with him and 2 girls, one that just happened to be underage?  I would have saved all my babysitting money for a year and paid to be that 16 year old girl, even though I was actually only 14 when that tape came out.

And now let us take a moment and remember how hot About Last Night was…If you’ll excuse me, I have to go change my pants.