You’re Invited

4 Mar

No, Pistols, this is not an invitation to you to whip it out and place it on my thigh.  I’m not falling for that trick again.  Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, I’ll hurl myself out of a window or the nearest flight of steps.

This Sunday, I shall be reborn.  Not into religion.  No, no.  On Sunday, I shall become a born again virgin.  That’s right, people, this weekend marks the 6 month mark since I have seen peen.  I see how you peole check the peen counter.  Trust me, there is no one that wants to reset that counter more than I do. 

In honor of my upcoming re-virginitization (I made up a word), I’m throwing myself a little pity party.  There will be booze, there will be tears (most likely mine), there will be feelings that I shall be eating, and there will be me trying to throw myself at anyone and everyone of the male persuasion in hopes of reintroducing peen to Vageena Davis before the stroke of midnight on Saturday (going into Sunday).

Men of the greater Baltimore area (except for you, Pistols), let this serve as your official warning.

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14 Responses to “You’re Invited”

  1. Maggie Garcia March 4, 2009 at 11:05 pm #

    Gah, I yell at the Butler for making me wait two weeks. I just feel really sad when I read about your unwilling abstinence.

    It’s a sad time for all of us. Now go out there and do it with the Butler and make him shout my name. -CS

    • oldER March 5, 2009 at 10:41 am #

      Maggie,

      Im pretty sure we have some sort of agreement that we would never expose each other (twss) to details about our sex lives. this is a clear violation of that agreement (albeit through a third party), and one Im a bit uncomfortable with.

      Does that mean that you don’t want to see the video she made? -CS

  2. Del-V March 5, 2009 at 7:59 am #

    You do know this weekend is Daylight Savings. You are going to have to set your counter ahead one hour.

    Why must you remind me? Daylight savings blows. -CS

  3. oldER March 5, 2009 at 10:39 am #

    gosh, I wish I could help. If only I were single. and in Baltimore. and not scared that you would blog endlessly about my performance issues. and so on. and so on. and so on.

    I wouldn’t necessarily blog about it…unless it was really bad and someone ended up in tears. -CS

  4. Mike March 5, 2009 at 11:02 am #

    Just remember that you only have 23 hours to find peen this Sunday due to the time change.

    God damn it! -CS

  5. Augusto March 5, 2009 at 11:25 am #

    >>> reintroducing peen to Vageena Davis before the stroke of midnight

    Peen/vageena/stroke hehe. pun.

    Is that how it goes? I don’t even remember! -CS

  6. The Ambiguous Blob March 5, 2009 at 12:43 pm #

    Now, I know you have resource(s) for peen within the northern eastern coasty area. Just call some old friends, girl!

    That would be super…I can totally imagine how that would go. -CS

  7. Infamous JP March 5, 2009 at 4:52 pm #

    Sounds like I need to break your streak again…. 😉

    Might just have to be time for that trip… -CS

  8. pistols at dawn March 5, 2009 at 5:28 pm #

    What if I stick it in your ear instead? Is that good foreplay?

    I’m going to go ahead and pass. -CS

  9. Amadeo March 5, 2009 at 6:28 pm #

    At least he didn’t put it on your forehead…I just heard about that happening to someone today…along with the phrase, “You’re not gonna let this go are you?”

    I hope who ever that happened to twisted and pulled. -CS

  10. Infamous JP March 5, 2009 at 10:20 pm #

    I think the time has come. 😉

    You and me both. -CS

  11. The Ambiguous Blob March 6, 2009 at 4:01 pm #

    Hey look! The resource from the Northern eastern coasty area is totally offering his services. I knew you could count on that.

    He’s so kind like that. 🙂 -CS

  12. Wynn March 11, 2009 at 8:20 am #

    Oh, revirginization is a well known fact of life, altough the real revirginization doesn’t occur until after an entire year without. Don’t go for that one.

    Oh no, 6 months totally counts!! -CS

  13. cocktailsattiffanys December 15, 2010 at 6:12 pm #

    6 months?!

    FUCK!

    Literally.

    -L

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