Reaching New Heights in Boredom

2 Mar

My mother is a smart woman.  She was born and raised in Mexico, and she and her brother were the first in her family to get past high school.  Both of them attended medical school, and became doctors.  Sure, my uncle is a special breed of asshole, but my mom is pretty cool.  She has had her own private practice for years, and has a good reputation in our area.  She has a nice, small group of friends here-who are somewhat dull, and some great friends in Mexico who are the bomb.

When we first moved from California, some 20 years ago, my mom ran into 2 of her friends from medical school.  Somehow all 3 of them had made their way from Mexico here to Baltimore.  I have vague memories of dinners at my parents’ house as a teenager when they would come over and talk about life “back home.”  Just fleeting memories, really.  All of us sitting at the table, someone talking, my mom getting more food, etc.  I don’t remember actual conversations or who said what to whom. 

Over the years they all went their separate ways and lost touch.  Up until 6 months ago when we ran into one of the couples while grocery shopping.  We kept bumping into them, and started reconnecting.  5 minute conversations ended up turning into 30 minute conversations over by the cheese aisle.  It was fun.  So my mom decided to have them over for lunch on Sunday.

What a horrible and tragic mistake.  There’s a reason that I only have vague memories of when they would come over: I blocked them out.  Clearly, this is a sign of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

This was the first time that I was so bored that it was physically painful.   He told countless boring stories about some small towns he lived in while he was in Mexico.  Right down to what on earth he would have for lunch and how the tables were set and how there were only 2 cars in the village and one was his and how he would drive to another town to make phone calls and pick up his mail and it was so hot there but you got used to it and sidebar to wife about how she didn’t know what heat was even though she was from Florida where one time they went swimming and they met a celebrity who very much enjoyed hearing his accounts of life in small town Mexico.

Holy boring, Batman.  Do you know how hard it is to try to look someone in the eyes without yawning and or rolling your eyes when they’re boring you to tears?  Try it.  The whole time I was sitting there listening I’m thinking to myself, “Does mom not remember this kind of torture?  Is she doing this to us on purpose?  What did we ever do to her to make her put us through this?  Is she mad at me for some reason?”

Thank God that my sister and her family were there.  Damien and Lucy(fer) insist on taking a bath in my mom’s whirlpool tub every time they go over to her house.  Those little angels invited me up to the bathroom to hang out with them while they bathed.  While typically I avoid this at all costs (as it’s not the world’s most exciting thing to hang out in a bathroom and watch 2 kids splash around, and yell, “No water out of the tub!” 600 times), this time I jumped at the chance.  For 45 minutes my sister, brother-in-law, and I hid in the bathroom with the kids. 

They finally decided to leave, and as soon as the door was closed my mom said, “I am so sorry.”  \

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10 Responses to “Reaching New Heights in Boredom”

  1. remember moments March 2, 2009 at 12:57 pm #

    Sorry you were so bored, your post on the other hand was hilarious!!

    • Catherinette March 2, 2009 at 12:59 pm #

      I’m glad that you were amused by my painful and awful boredom. -CS

  2. pistols at dawn March 2, 2009 at 1:25 pm #

    Maybe she’s getting so old that she wants to make every minute last an hour, so she invited these folks over to aid in that process.

    • Catherinette March 2, 2009 at 2:32 pm #

      Christ, that’s certainly a successful approach…

  3. Desiree March 2, 2009 at 2:27 pm #

    Wait for it… someday you’ll be that way, too.

    • Catherinette March 2, 2009 at 2:33 pm #

      SHUT YOUR MOUTH!! I will never be boring. Not ever!

  4. k March 2, 2009 at 3:05 pm #

    funniest f-ing thing ever…besides a couple of your other blogs…

    • Catherinette March 2, 2009 at 3:48 pm #

      Really? Funniest one ever? Me hiding in a bathroom with 3 other grown adults so we didn’t have to listen to more stories about how my mom’s friend used to climb up on the roof of the hospital and look at the stars and throw back some cold ones because there was nothing else to do and sometimes he would listen to the news which was actually news from Cuba because it’s the only station that would come in is funny to you?? -CS

  5. jon March 2, 2009 at 3:54 pm #

    Nice Work! With only 10 minutes of catch up crammed into 2 hours you were able to lay to rest years of intense family speculation and cloudy memories by concluding….YES indeed, those old friends are ………… BORING!

  6. cocktailsattiffanys December 14, 2010 at 1:58 pm #

    At least she didn’t think it was a GOOD time…

    -L

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