Archive | 4:13 pm

The Many (Whoring) Adventures of Claude

25 Feb

This may come as a giant surprise to you (twss), but many of my friends are not real whores. They merely wish they were whores. There are 2 exceptions to this: Foxy, who you will find at the local bus station ever evening after 7:30; and Claude, who enjoys tending to the honey pots in the DC Metro area. This story, is about Claude.

Claude is a dirty man whoring hooker.

Several years ago he moved to Dupont because he felt the gay scene here in Baltimore sucked (but not in a good way). I beg to differ, but not having an experience in the gay scene I couldn’t come up with a good argument. Apparently, “I will miss you,” and “who will go to gay bingo with me at the Hippo” were not reason enough for him to stay. So he packed his things and moved far, far away, a whole 50 minutes away. Bitch.

He quickly established a wonderful group of Mary friends and began to tend to his needs. I think you all know what I mean. In the years that he’s lived there, he’s managed to have some very interesting encounters. I always enjoy hearing about them-it’s quite educational. I swear to Christ it’s like I have lived in a bubble all my life and he has just burst it. It’s insane to think of all of the differences between the straight and gay dating/hook up scenes. For example: did you know that a simple crotch grab is enough to signify that you’re game for a little play? Meanwhile, in the straight world, it takes hours of conversations and the promises of a potential date before some of us let you graze our cans.

Being the hooker that he is, Claude takes advantage of how easy it is to meat meet people in the gay community. That’s all well and good until Claude received an email just yesterday.

Hi Claude,

How are you? I’m sorry I did not get in touch with you sooner, but I was a wee bit shy to contact you soon after you gave me your card. However, I think it would be fun to hang out with you and I wanted to know if you’d be up for a nice big dinner with me sometime. I enjoy bumping into your sexy belly at the bar and elsewhere, and it’d be even nicer to bump into it in private…hehe.

I hope to hear from you soon…

This guy is a PhD, and has a pretty fat ass job (I know this because his signature on the email tells me). The best part is that Claude has zero idea who this guy is. Zero!!

How will Claude respond to this invitation to try some mystery meat?? Stay tuned as we begin to follow the Many Adventures of Claude!

Sweet Sacrifice

25 Feb

Today’s the big day: Ash Wednesday!

So, what are you giving up for Lent?