“Hot” for “teacher”?

27 Jan

What up, kids?  Its your girl Foxy!  As many of you know, Cath had to leave our lovely little dinner on Sunday night due to the illness of her beloved pet.  It was very sad and I know we are all keeping her and her family in our thoughts during this difficult time.

But what you may not know, is that we had big plans for apres dinner!  We were registered for a little class called “Oral Sex 101” that was being presented at Smaltimore’s preeminent lesbian owned sex shop; Sugar in Hampden.  Oh yeah – that’s how we roll on the Lord’s day, people!

For those of you who have never been to Sugar – I strongly suggest you get yourself there pronto.  It is a really mellow, really fun sex shop staffed by some of the nicest, most non-judgemental folks you ever want to meet.  Not to mention the fact that they keep the key to their bathroom on a key chain that has a butt plug attached to it.  A brave and brilliant choice, no? And even if you think that being in a space surrounded by silicon penises of various sizes and colors is going to weird you out – I swear to God, the staff makes you so at ease – you don’t really even notice them after a while.

I arrived a little early so I could peruse their wares.  And let me tell you – they have some mighty boss wares!  What’s even more impressive – they have books there.  Real actual books with words and paragraphs and shit!  This is how you know you are in a classy sex shop!  I chatted with the staff as I made my way around the store – they were truly delightful.  And I am not being a snarky bitch when I say that – they were really very nice.

As my fellow classmates filed in, I noticed there was a variety of folks who had shown up for the class.  There were a few couples, there were some quasi-drunk 20 something chicks, there was one enormous lesbian (and by that – I don’t mean she was really butch – I just mean she was of large stature), there were a couple of guys on their own (I suspect they were gays who were cruising the class), and there was one older dude.  

Now – let me take a moment to describe that older dude.  He reminded me of a retired HVAC repair man.  Like, if you looked at him and squinted, you could see him in coveralls.  And when I say he was older – well, let’s just say that this guy was totally someone’s “pop-pop”.  You will want to tuck that image into the back of your mind for later.

The class kicked off with some super cool diagrams of male and female genitalia.  It was really informative.  I picked up some truly helpful information.  For example, did you know that a clitoris has legs?  I had no idea and I have been walking around with one for years and years now.  There was also lots of discussion about how in both men and women, there are many very sensitive nerve endings in the anus – or as I like to call it, “The No No Zone”.  Why is it that people who work in sex shops are always trying to get you to shove things into your own ass or your partner’s ass?  Why?  Are they trying to increase their average items per sale number?  And before all you butt plug/anal bead aficionados get yourselves into a tizy and try to convince every one that it is so pleasurable and you have to try it just once – save that sales pitch for some one else, because this bitch is not buying!

We talked about licking techniques, breathing techniques, safe oral sex, power play, and many other topics that are just too numerous to mention.  But here was the disturbing part – do you recall how I was telling you about the retired HVAC repair man who was some one’s “pop-pop”?  OK – well pretty much every time the instructor asked if any one had any questions, he chimed in with an example of one of his erotic adventures where he had given his “lady friend” an orgasm for the ages.  Seriously, it was like he was throwing Penthouse Forum material against the wall to see what would stick (and you know, since we are talking about Penthouse Forum – everything was fairly sticky).  And he would describe these adventures like he was walking some one through changing a timing belt in their car.  Gross!  Near the end of the class, I was seconds away from screaming, “Pop-pop, shut your filthy man whore mouth!  I can’t take anymore!”  But I didn’t, because I am a lady.

All in all – I think it was a terrific time.  I would love to go to another class there – and they have a lot of classes coming up in the next few weeks.  So, for those of you in Smaltimore, check out their web site and sign up for some classes!  Your partners will thank you for it.

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8 Responses to ““Hot” for “teacher”?”

  1. kristina January 27, 2009 at 1:20 pm #

    Nice to hear from you, Foxy… although, I’m not sure if I wanted to hear about anything anal-sex related, especially as described by someone’s grampa…

    Glad you had fun anyway!

    Foxy has been kind enough to fill me in on everything she learned…and everything that will give her nightmares. -CS

  2. SouthernBelle January 27, 2009 at 2:12 pm #

    Ahahahhahaaa, best sex-shop-related story ever!

    Here’s hoping Pop-pop doesn’t show up to your next class, not sure how many more of his stories you want to hear…

    I’ll tell you where he’s going to show up, in stall #3 at the bus station where Foxy works on the weekends. -CS

  3. Moiii January 27, 2009 at 2:17 pm #

    Nice…now all I can picture is the old age home and this weirdo!! BTW Foxy, I miss your blog!!!

    He’d be talking those old biddies right out of their creamed corn.

    Let’s all rally together and force Foxy to start writing again. What do you kids say?? -CS

  4. jon January 27, 2009 at 5:50 pm #

    Foxy: Good Job! (twss)

    This is why she has so many repeat customers. -CS

  5. allegedringleader January 27, 2009 at 5:56 pm #

    That sounds like so much fun! I wish we had something like that here in LA. Boooo!

    I would think there would be way dirtier things out in LA. -CS

  6. Ghost of Keywork January 27, 2009 at 8:14 pm #

    I have an uncle that lives in Silver Spring…hmm…

    And I’ll spare you my sales pitch. Funny stuff here.

    And since you spared me the pitch, I am not running over to check you out… -CS

    Damn it! I need a username and password. My heart is officially broken. -CS

  7. Rachel January 27, 2009 at 11:15 pm #

    hahaha what a lovely evening that sounds like!! I need a new vibrator, perhaps my local sex shop will have some classes of their own.

    All sex shops should offer classes! -CS

  8. Father Muskrat January 28, 2009 at 10:11 pm #

    I feel a little filthy for having read this.

    That’s what Foxy was going for. -CS

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