It’s too late for me, but you still have a chance to save yourselves

26 Jan

Promise me that you’ll never make the same mistakes that I have made.  Promise me that you won’t ever see this move.  PROMISE ME!!

You know that movie “88 Minutes” staring Al Pacino?  They had the title half right, it actually should have been called “88 Minutes of Your Life You’ll Never Get Back”.

Wow.  What an incredible peace of crap.  Here’s what I don’t understand: why do actors sign on to make a movie that is clearly craptastic?  I can’t imagine Pacino picking up the script and thinking to himself, “I’m an Academy Award winning actor.  Anything I touch turns to gold!  Even this completely unbelievable script that will eventually star Leelee Sobeski as a murderer.”  Really?  I mean really.  And what happens at the premiere of the movie?  Do they sit there thinking to themselves, “Shit, I can actually hear my career being flushed down the toilet”?  Or do they believe that it’s actually a good flick?

Don’t believe how bad it is?  Here, take a looky loo at the “fantastic dialogue:

  • Jon Forster: Dr. Gramm, I want you to listen very closely, because when I get out of here I’m going to go have a nice hot meal, stop by your grave, and then piss all over it. Now please put my angel attorney on the phone.
  • Dr. Jack Gramm: She’s dead. It’s over, Forster. Except for the clock that goes tic-tock, tic-tock. You got twelve hours to live. [throws phone over banister]

I’m in physical pain.  Someone really should be punished for writing, directing, producing, and or acting in this “film”.  Someone should pay!

7 Responses to “It’s too late for me, but you still have a chance to save yourselves”

  1. Tova Darling January 26, 2009 at 9:30 pm #

    What are you taling about? “Except for the clock that goes tic-tock, tic-tock” is movie gold. Gold!!

    I’m sure the writer was nominated for a big time award… -CS

  2. Jenna January 26, 2009 at 11:58 pm #

    Dude, I bet that movie’s got nothing on “Righteous Kill.” DeNiro & Pacino together, double the shame! I had to turn it off around the 30 minute mark, because it was so far beyond awful I couldn’t take it anymore.

    Oh, but you would lose that bet. “88 Minutes” is 10 times worse than “Righteous Kill”. Trust me on this one – I’ve seen both. -CS

  3. sid January 27, 2009 at 7:22 am #

    Mama Mia was a piece of craptastic shit staring Merryl, Pierce and Colin …
    Made of Honour = bad. Wanted to shove a fork up the actors asses.
    That’s for the warning.

    Come on, now. It wasn’t THAT bad! -CS

  4. Red January 27, 2009 at 10:08 am #

    Plus, I hear that it’s actually more than 88 minutes long.

    I, on the other hand, watched _Hamlet 2_ this weekend. Granted, I’m an actor, have worked with HS kids, and once played Ophelia, but it’s pretty good. The execution is good, the concept is GENIUS!

    That movie was absolutely hilarious! -CS

  5. kristina January 27, 2009 at 12:59 pm #

    Aw, you ruined it for me! I was so looking forward to seeing it…

    You should be freaking thanking me for saving you from that drivel. -CS

  6. Richard Whackman January 29, 2009 at 11:32 am #

    Well, I can’t really comment on a movie I haven’t seen, but here I am commenting anyway. The only time in recent memory that a movie was so bad that I wanted to get violent was when I tired to watch The Fockers. I turned it off after about 15 minutes.

    Lord only knows why people find that movie franchise funny. The first one was so stupid that I couldn’t bring myself to watch the second one. -CS

  7. Unfinished Rambler January 31, 2009 at 12:32 pm #

    Hmmmm. I would have put this in my Netflix queue. Thanks for the save.

    I’m happy to be here to save you some precious hours that you could be wasting boozing it up. -CS

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