My Mother’s Short Bus Adventures

10 Dec

Her stupidity is like a gift from God.  It really is.  I swear I couldn’t make this kind of stuff up-not even if I tried.  It never ceases to amaze me that she is able to function without hurting herself or those around her.  As I’m stuck at home with the spins, she continues to check in on me several times a day.  This afternoon, she called me with some big news. 

Mom: How are you feeling?
Me: Dizzy.
Mom: Still?
Me: Yes.  Come on, we’ve been through this-6 times today.  I’m still dizzy.  I feel better than I did yesterday.  Let’s talk about something else.
Mom: What are you doing?
Me: I’m watching Law & Order: Criminal Intent.
Mom: Is it a new episode?
Me: No.  It’s a repeat.
Mom: I thought the show was on at night time.
Me: It is.  I’m watching repeats.
Mom: Oh.  Did you hear that NBC is going to start changing it’s prime time line up?
Me: Really?  I hadn’t heard that.
Mom: Yeah, they’re only going to have their shows go until 10.
Me: What do you mean until 10?  Then what?  They’re off the air?
Mom: No, no!  At 10 they’re going to put on John Lennon.
Me: John Lennon?
Mom: Yes.  John Lennon?
Me: Mom.  John Lennon is dead.
Mom: He is??  When did he die?  It must have been at some point today because I just heard about this on NPR this morning.
Me: Mom, he’s been dead for years.  There’s no way that NBC is going to be airing anything with John Lennon from the Beatles at 10pm.
Mom: Not that John Lennon!!  The other one!
Me: What other one?
Mom: The one that does those talk shows at night time.
Me: You mean Jay Leno?
Mom: Yeah!  That’s him.  John Lennon.  Jay Leno.  They’re all the same.

I’m sure that The Beatles and NBC would beg to differ with her.  Still, you gotta love her.  My mom, she really is “gifted”.  I wonder if she was always like this, or if she fell down several flights of stairs and then became this way.

15 Responses to “My Mother’s Short Bus Adventures”

  1. pistols at dawn December 10, 2008 at 5:35 pm #

    I’ve heard many people say Jay Leno was the fifth Beatle.

    He and Paul McCartney are pretty close. -CS

  2. Some Guy December 10, 2008 at 5:40 pm #

    I love it when Leno sings Strawberry Fields Forever.

    He really has an incredible talent for music. -CS

  3. Katie December 10, 2008 at 5:59 pm #

    you’re mom is AWESOME.

    Jay Leno looks kind of like he could be related to Ringo Starr, right? 😉

    Ugh, I don’t know which one makes me want to vomit more. -CS

  4. Philly December 10, 2008 at 6:00 pm #

    I really want to be one of her patients!!

    She’s a great doctor, she just lacks common sense. -CS

  5. Katie December 10, 2008 at 6:01 pm #

    and whoops I meant you’re as in YOUR. damn.

    I’m glad you caught that so I didn’t have to be the one to point it out. -CS

  6. jon December 10, 2008 at 6:11 pm #

    Yes, Leno was the fifth Beatle AND also the Walrus on Sgt. Pepper.

    These same people say your mother also has something in common with Beatles Magical Mystery Tour (flim), as both were UNSCRIPTED and based loosely on a story where “strange things continuously happen” ….but you already knew that.

    I know a lot of things. -CS

  7. Teri December 10, 2008 at 6:28 pm #

    they always say the child chooses the parents when they are born.

    how blessed you must feel?!

    I truly am thankful. After all, it makes for some really wonderful stories that I can share with the people of the world. -CS

  8. mongoliangirl December 10, 2008 at 6:40 pm #

    I’ve always believed John Lennon is not actually dead, but only ‘transformed’ or ‘transitioned’ or (insert trippy 60’s word here)…and morphed into Jay Leno’s chin. Right? I mean…right? Or did I fall down a flight of stairs with your mother?

    I think you’re totally onto something here!! -CS

  9. Ms. Florida Transplant December 10, 2008 at 8:02 pm #

    Ask your doc about Meclazine for vertigo. It’s cheaper than dirt, safe, and I’ve never met anyone with vertigo that it didn’t help.

    I’m taking it and it has helped. Though it does make me wicked sleepy. -CS

  10. Amadeo December 11, 2008 at 10:34 am #

    ****Slow Clap****

    I’ll pass that along to mumsy. -CS

  11. charmaine December 11, 2008 at 11:21 am #


    She is truly gifted. Poor thing. -CS

  12. KatieHen December 11, 2008 at 2:02 pm #

    your mom is awesome. truly. she sounds exactly like mine. does your mom walk around making up words to the songs stuck in her head? because that seems like something she might do as well. (like my mom! haha)

    She actually doesn’t do that. Instead, she makes up her own songs. They can be about how she thinks she’s fat, or how she hates her her-it’s great fun! -CS

  13. kristina December 11, 2008 at 4:32 pm #

    If you didn’t have these awesome stories to tell about your mom, you would have so many less postings for us to enjoy…

    That is a very valid point. Thankfully, I’m sure she’ll have many more shenaningans for us to enjoy. -CS

  14. Wynn December 14, 2008 at 8:04 pm #

    Oh I love Law and Order! I watch it whenever I can, and has reached the pain in the ass level that I have seen many episodes. Nothing like the disappointment when you realise you already know who the killer is.

    I just about wept when I realized that I had seen every single SVU episode. Thankfully, I’m about 2 seasons behind on CI, so we’re all good. -CS

  15. Desiree December 18, 2008 at 10:04 pm #

    “They’re all the same.” That’s what she said.

    Nice one! -CS

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