Archive | 5:20 pm

My Mother’s Short Bus Adventures

10 Dec

Her stupidity is like a gift from God.  It really is.  I swear I couldn’t make this kind of stuff up-not even if I tried.  It never ceases to amaze me that she is able to function without hurting herself or those around her.  As I’m stuck at home with the spins, she continues to check in on me several times a day.  This afternoon, she called me with some big news. 

Mom: How are you feeling?
Me: Dizzy.
Mom: Still?
Me: Yes.  Come on, we’ve been through this-6 times today.  I’m still dizzy.  I feel better than I did yesterday.  Let’s talk about something else.
Mom: What are you doing?
Me: I’m watching Law & Order: Criminal Intent.
Mom: Is it a new episode?
Me: No.  It’s a repeat.
Mom: I thought the show was on at night time.
Me: It is.  I’m watching repeats.
Mom: Oh.  Did you hear that NBC is going to start changing it’s prime time line up?
Me: Really?  I hadn’t heard that.
Mom: Yeah, they’re only going to have their shows go until 10.
Me: What do you mean until 10?  Then what?  They’re off the air?
Mom: No, no!  At 10 they’re going to put on John Lennon.
Me: John Lennon?
Mom: Yes.  John Lennon?
Me: Mom.  John Lennon is dead.
Mom: He is??  When did he die?  It must have been at some point today because I just heard about this on NPR this morning.
Me: Mom, he’s been dead for years.  There’s no way that NBC is going to be airing anything with John Lennon from the Beatles at 10pm.
Mom: Not that John Lennon!!  The other one!
Me: What other one?
Mom: The one that does those talk shows at night time.
Me: You mean Jay Leno?
Mom: Yeah!  That’s him.  John Lennon.  Jay Leno.  They’re all the same.

I’m sure that The Beatles and NBC would beg to differ with her.  Still, you gotta love her.  My mom, she really is “gifted”.  I wonder if she was always like this, or if she fell down several flights of stairs and then became this way.