Archive | December, 2008

2008 Can Suck My Left One

31 Dec

And I don’t mean that in a good way.  My conclusion on 2008 is that the year sucked dead puppies.  I won’t bore you with the details on why, though if you’re dying to know why, you can read the whole thing here.  Let’s not dwell on the crap that was 2008.  Instead, why not focus on all the wonderful things that everyone wants to accomplish in 2009. 

So, I propose this: I’ll tell you what I want for myself AND for you in 2009, and you tell me what you want (you can post it in the comments or write your own posting if you so desire).

Ready?  Let’s do it!  TWSS

Catherinette Singleton’s 2009 Wishes:

May 2009 Bring:

  • Me: Non crazy peen.
  • You: Less clap/cold sores, and way more booze and hot tawdry romps with the person(s) of your dreams.  Oh!  And I also want you to fit into your skinny jeans again.

Just the Tip Tuesday (12/30/08)

30 Dec

Let me first start off with the following: you’re welcome.  Here we are, it’s the final JTT of the year.  We’ve had some popular picks, and then the ones when you all stood against me and wanted to stone me for my choices.  Well, damn you for that.  Still, I aim to please, so we’re ending the year on a high note.

Ladies and boys who like boys, please take a gander at the spicy goodness of Chris Meloni:

svu_chris_meloni

Let me ask you a question: why doesn’t he take his shirt off in Law & Order: SVU?  Frankly, I think it’s a crime against humanity that he doesn’t do more nude scenes.  Oh, and he has in fact done them.  While I was looking for the right pic for this post, I stumbled across some shots from when he was on Oz.  Guess what?  There was peen!!  It’s only right to end the year off with a “talented” male actor whose peen I actually got to see.

I heart you, Chris Meloni.  Call me!

Some Really Riveting News For You to Enjoy

29 Dec

Okay, so it’s really not riveting.  And you probably won’t enjoy it that much either.  Here it is: I’m really tired.  I’m so tired, in fact, that I originally entitled this post “Some Really Rivety News for You to Enjoy.”  Last time I checked, rivety wasn’t a word.

This exhaustion might have to do with the fact that I stayed up until 2 in the morning playing with my new iPhone.  You think?

Toys for Grown Ups

28 Dec

Guess who got a brand new toy today??  No, I’m not referring to a dirty toy that one uses on their own or in the presence of a “loved one” (or more like someone they’re about to “love”).  Although, I am actually waiting for one of those toys as I am one of the lucky winners of Sexy Whispers’ Orgasmic Christmas contest.  There’s nothing like winning sex toys!!  And that’s on top of the Drysdale Award I just won.

Anyway, let’s stop talking about what a big winner I am (and no, that’s not my way of saying I’m fat).  Ladies and gentlemen, and I use those terms loosely, mama just got herself a brand new iPhone.

Suck on that!

No F’ing Way Friday (12/26/08)

26 Dec

This is it, people, the last Friday of 2008!  How will you be spending it?  Perhaps out with friends boozing it up and making some bad decisions.  Or maybe at home with your loved one cuddled up on the sofa watching the latest episdoe of “Ghost Whisperer.”  Or maybe eating your feelings because the last Christmas card was from a douche bag who fooled you into thinking he was single.

If you’re like me, there’s definitely one thing you’ll be doing, and that’s gagging over the thought of ever having to see today’s pick naked. 

brimley

Wilford Brimley, what a disgusting man.  Is there really anyone out there in America-nay, the world that finds him attractive? 

Foxy and I have a running joke about him: mainly it’s that she wants him and pretend to deny it.  She’s even gone so far as to imagine that he smells like a mixture of Ben Gay and mothballs, and rather than leaving money on your nightstand when it’s all over, he leaves Werther’s candy.  Frankly, I imagine that he whispers things about oatmeal or diabetes instead of sweet nothings.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to vomit.

Something to Believe In

25 Dec

mistletoe-kiss

My standard response when asked what’s on my Christmas wish list has become, “I want a man.” Everyone just chuckles, and says, “No. Really. What do you want?” The fact is, I don’t really need anything. My house is full of knick knacks, I can’t possibly fit another serving bowl in the pantry, and if someone gives me one more scented candle I will throw it at them. Please don’t even get me started on the blank photo albums.

What I really want, more than anything, is to wake up on Christmas morning and find my future (husband?) sitting underneath the Christmas tree.

My grandmother was a devout Catholic. There was a period in her life when she went to church every day. She raised my mother and my uncle to believe the teachings that she held so close to her heart. My mother hated being dragged to church and having those beliefs shoved down her throat. While my mother never attends church services, she still considers herself to be Catholic. When she enters a church, she will find the holy water, cross herself, and always lights a candle for the memory of my grandmother. When my sister and I were born, she decided that she would take a different route. Instead of choosing a religion for us, she allowed us to determine what we wanted for ourselves.

When I was younger, I tried to find a religion that fit me. I joined an Episcopalian youth group. I attended the Seder with my Jewish stepfather. Nothing ever felt right. It always felt like I was wearing someone else’s clothing. They just didn’t fit right. For me, the right choice with religion was no religion at all. I do not believe in God or the devil. I don’t believe in heaven or hell, or the 7 deadly sins. I only go to church/synagogue for weddings, or funerals.

There is one thing, however, that I do believe in. That one thing is love.

As children, we’re told a slew of fairy tales of prince charming, the damsel in distress, true love, etc. We’re convinced that Prince Charming, clad in armor will show up on his trusty white steed to sweep us off our feet and we’ll ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after. That we can bring that sleeping damsel back to life with true love’s kiss. I know those things don’t exist. I know that there will never be a white horse, a prince, or a ride into the sunset. But I do believe that there’s someone out there that’s right for me. For better or for worse, I have faith that he’s out there waiting for me.

Anyone that has a religion questions his faith at least once in his lifetime. I have my own questions about love. And I have doubts sometimes. Where is he? Why haven’t we found one another? Is there such thing as a soul mate? Will it last forever?

The answers don’t matter. What matters is the belief that there is someone out there. I have faith in that. Whether it lasts a lifetime or not doesn’t matter. What’s important is finding a match that will make my life better. That person that makes me catch my breath. That makes my knees buckle when he kisses me. The one whose body I can mold into.

I choose to believe. I have faith that he’s out there.

This Christmas, no matter what your religious beliefs, I wish one thing for you: may you find (at least once in your lifetime) that person that makes your toes curl, your heart beat faster, and your cheeks flash. May you find your happily ever after.

This story featured on Kizmeet

Just the Tip Tuesday (12/23/08)

23 Dec

With only 2 JTT’s left for the year, I feel it’s only right to pick someone that makes the ladies (and those boys that like boys) burn in their naughty places.  He’s so hot he makes it burn.  As a matter of fact, I think my sex is on fire.

Let’s take a little sneaky peak at Caleb Followill of Kings of Leon, shall we:

Caleb Followill

Can he use a haircut?  Sure.  Is he making a queer face in this picture?  Absolutely.  But those green eyes and the way he croons makes me want to invite him to play in my enchanted garden.  Need more proof?  Fine, take it.  Enjoy this strange ass video of  “Sex on Fire.” 

In the mean time, I’m going to lay where I’m laying and not make a sound.

My Christmas Wish for You: Suck It and Choke On It

22 Dec

I’m sorry!  Okay??  I’m sorry that I have a life to lead and wasn’t updating you quickly enough on the breaking news I mentioned last week.  I’m sorry.  Forgive me.  Here’s your stinking story.  Let me start off by thanking each and everyone one of you that has HOUNDED me to finish the story. Oh, it’s a good one. Might I suggest that you grab yourself a drink and/or a snack and get comfortable. Ready? Here we go…

It’s been over a year since we saw each other. As a matter of fact, the last time we were together was when he was whispering sweet nothings into my mouth as we were making out in a bar parking lot (click here if you need the back story). Since that time, I found out that he had met a girl. I found out in March of this year when he came home for a visit. A bunch of us were supposed to meet up for Happy Hour, and one of my friends casually mentioned that he had brought his girlfriend with him. I decided that I would go ahead and skip the reunion. F the two of them. Now I’m kind of kicking myself because I probably would have found out that they had been together while he and I had hit it 6 ways from Sunday back on 07/07/07 and when we were making out in my car on Skanksgiving weekend. Several months later they were engaged-I found out when he updated his status on facebook.

But no! Instead, I found out when he sent me my Christmas card this year. Last year he had incuded some hot pictures of himself, this year it was a picture of him and his bride to be, plus the letter. He’s one of those douchey tool bags guys that sends a type written note updating the free world about what’s happened in the last year. He started off with the “exciting” news about the engagement (gag) and how he had tied the ring around his cat’s neck and the cat had gone over to her with the ring. I should have known when he told me he had cats that it would never work. I’m a dog person. Cat and dog people just aren’t meant to be. Gag me with the rest of the story about their stupid engagement and how happy they both are and how they’re getting married next summer. Gag.

On and on he blathered about love and blah, blah, snore, and then it got to the good part. “It’s been an exciting time for us since we started dating in March of 07…” March of 07?? That’s 4 months before he put his peen inside me!! I guess when he told me he was “single” he meant, “dating someone and I’m not going to tell you.” That dick!! Oh, but wait. It gets better. He continued with, “We also are very excited about our new home here in Douche City, which we bought at the end of last year.” The end of last year?? You mean the house that you were buying TWO DAYS AFTER you kissed me in the car and told me how nice it was to see me?? Wow, super dick!!

Look, I’m going to be honest with you: I’ve cheated on a boyfriend and I’ve been cheated on. It’s no good, I know it. Here’s the deal-when I was the other woman, at least they were up front with me. Sure, they were disrespecting their relationships, but that was on their shoulders. At the point I am in my life now, I don’t think I’d go down that road again. If he had told me that he was dating someone and buying a house with her I would have walked away. He took that option away from me when he lied to my face. TWICE. All this time I thought I knew this guy. I never in a million years would have thought him the type. Okay, cheat, whatever, none of my business-unless you drag me into this mess, in which case it’s totally my business. Man, I feel sorry for his bride to be.

So he lied, he made me the other woman, and it all came out in a Christmas card. A very Merry Christmas to you too. Why bother sending the god damned card? He better f’ing think twice if he’s thinking about sending me an invitation to that sham of a wedding.

Pretty sure that Santa is going to bring him a big fat lump of coal this year. And maybe an STD. Which he totally deserves.