Archive | 2:04 pm

I Am the Fashion Police

12 Nov

People, we have fashion rules in place for a reason.  Just like laws.  You’re not supposed to run a red light because you might kill someone-even yourself.  You’re not supposed to wear black stockings with white shoes because you might burn someone’s eyes.  These rules and regulations have to be followed.

You can imagine my horror when I saw someone in our lobby dressed in a white linen suit.  A man.  In a white linen suit.  In November.  This is not okay!!  This is a crime against humanity and he must be punished!!  Who cares that he’s from another culture where wearing white after Labor Day may be tolerated??  This was a blatant disregard of a perfectly reasonable fashion rule, nay, law.  It will not be tolerated here!  (Unless you’re getting married or live in Miami)

Someone is going to have to sit him down and give him a strict talking too.  I’m sure that once he learns about our culture, he will recognize the error of his ways.  Surely, he doesn’t want to be like that douche bag I work with that wears seer sucker suits in the middle of January.  Right??

In the meantime, I am slapping his violating ass with a fashion citation!

White linen suits in November are NEVER okay in these parts!

White linen suits in November are NEVER okay in these parts!