My Mother Rides the Short Bus

2 Nov

I’ve suspected for quite some time now that my mother used to lick the windows while she rode around in the short bus.  These suspicions were confirmed yesterday when we took a little trip to the Apple store at the local mall.  For the last 2 years she’s been talking about getting herself a Macbook for work.  Her thinking is that she could use it to write up her patient notes instead of doing it longhand.  This is funny in and of itself because:

  1. She’s computer illiterate and barely knows how the heck to boot up her PC at home.
  2. She’s the world’s slowest typer. 

It would take her less time to master a foreign language than to figure out how to turn on the computer, find the word processing program she needs, type up her page of notes, and figure out how to save it.  The thought of how many times she’ll call me when she starts trying  makes me want to throw myself down the nearest flight of steps.

There we were at the Apple store, talking to a very patient young man who was telling us all about operating systems, RAM, and gigabytes.  My mother just nodded her head, pretending like she understood everything he was saying.  She told him that she was looking for something very basic and that she didn’t know anything about computers-this was when I interrupted and told him that all that talk about the operating systems, RAM and gigabytes might as well have been a Chinese poem.  He just stared at me.  My mother took her chance and asked him,

Mom: “Does the Macbook come with Vista?”
Sales Guy: No, but you can buy it.
Mom: But then how does the computer work if it doesn’t have Vista?  Doesn’t it come standard?
Me: Mom, this isn’t an HP, this is a Mac. 
Sales Guy: Macs have their own operating system.  They don’t have Vista.  It’s kind of like Macs are Volvos that come with GPS and PCs are Fords that come with squat.
Mom: Oh.  What’s GPS?

She ended up purchasing a very nice Macbook.  One that I plan on stealing just as soon as I can.

Fast forward to this afternoon.  We were in the car when she suddenly burst out laughing.  When questioned, she said that she finally understood the Mac vs PC commercials.  “What the hell are you talking about?” I asked her.  After several minutes of uncontrollable laughter, she proceeded to tell me that she never understood why the Mac commercials always slammed Vista.  After all, in her warped mind, they ran on Vista too.  She just couldn’t understand why they would make fun of PCs and Vista when Macs would have the very same problem. 

Mom, this one’s for you.

12 Responses to “My Mother Rides the Short Bus”

  1. jendy November 2, 2008 at 8:18 pm #

    Bless her little heart.

    She’s really quite gifted. -CS

  2. Gunn Lino November 2, 2008 at 8:31 pm #

    Moms, what would we do without them?

    Do our own laundry. -CS

  3. Dani November 2, 2008 at 8:33 pm #

    Your mom is too cute! Bless her heart is right jendy.

    She’s just a little thing. -CS

  4. Liz4.0 November 2, 2008 at 9:30 pm #

    I am going to go ahead and say it – your mom is fetch.

    That’s one way to describe her. -CS

  5. Christine November 2, 2008 at 10:06 pm #

    God bless Moms!

    I was helping my mom figure out why her laptop suddenly stopped picking up wireless signals (she turned the wireless switch on her laptop to “Off” btw, in case you were wondering). She asked me a couple of other questions, including why the cursor kept moving outside the frame when she plays these online games.

    I was shocked. My mother was playing a free, very simple arcade game. My mother. In her own words, she said that she would get hooked and play until her eyes blurred.

    We didn’t even have cable growing up and now, in the past year, my mom bought a laptop, learned about email basics (though she didn’t recognize the spam in her inbox), and has been playing games. It’s just all so shocking to me.

    Wow! It’s like you don’t even know who she is anymore. Next thing you know, she’ll be starting her own blog. -CS

  6. Kathy November 3, 2008 at 10:53 am #

    I love her. For what’s worth, I am the tech support for my 82-year-old, legally-blind impatient father. Can I have some pity?

    Hilarious post. Funniest opening line EVER. Stumbled!

    Holy crap. I can only imagine how on earth those conversations would go! -CS

  7. Amadeo November 3, 2008 at 1:17 pm #

    Raising parents is a hard job. Luckily my mother has been a computer/tech nerd since the 80’s…too bad she still can’t see clear to getting me a 50″ flat screen.

    Perhaps she’d like to give my mom some lessons? -CS

  8. sista #2 November 3, 2008 at 5:30 pm #

    #1 had to take our 84 year old father’s computer away. He took it apart and then took apart the Bose headphones, then the radios.


    I hope you sat him down and had a long discussion with him about that. -CS

  9. SinCity November 3, 2008 at 10:02 pm #

    At least your mother actually knows what a computer is and how to use it. My mother doesn’t “trust” computers, nor does she “believe” in the internet…

    Does she think the internet is just a phase? Kind of like TV or radio? -CS

  10. kristina November 4, 2008 at 5:14 pm #

    So the hampster finally crawled back on the wheel after falling off and remaining motionless for several decades…

    It would certainly seem that way. -CS

  11. rhonda November 4, 2008 at 6:29 pm #

    omgosh I love the mac ads and I too am lusting after a macbook… my husband considers anything apple much like a foreign country – and he does not want to visit. one can dream.

    I’ll tell you all about how wonderful it is…just as soon as I manage to steal it away from my mom. -CS

  12. J November 19, 2008 at 10:47 pm #

    oh my god, i have to tell you a funny story…today i was supposed to take my 82 year old grandmother to the doctor, but she didn’t want to go so she wanted me to call and cancel the appointment and tell them she wasn’t feeling well. So, she couldn’t find the number; i grabbed my laptop and told her I would go online and see if i could cancel it from their website… and she told me…”don’t let them see me,”


    BWAHAHAHA!! That’s f’ing hilarious! I tried to explain it to my mom but she didn’t get it! -CS

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