Archive | 8:14 pm

My Mother Rides the Short Bus

2 Nov

I’ve suspected for quite some time now that my mother used to lick the windows while she rode around in the short bus.  These suspicions were confirmed yesterday when we took a little trip to the Apple store at the local mall.  For the last 2 years she’s been talking about getting herself a Macbook for work.  Her thinking is that she could use it to write up her patient notes instead of doing it longhand.  This is funny in and of itself because:

  1. She’s computer illiterate and barely knows how the heck to boot up her PC at home.
  2. She’s the world’s slowest typer. 

It would take her less time to master a foreign language than to figure out how to turn on the computer, find the word processing program she needs, type up her page of notes, and figure out how to save it.  The thought of how many times she’ll call me when she starts trying  makes me want to throw myself down the nearest flight of steps.

There we were at the Apple store, talking to a very patient young man who was telling us all about operating systems, RAM, and gigabytes.  My mother just nodded her head, pretending like she understood everything he was saying.  She told him that she was looking for something very basic and that she didn’t know anything about computers-this was when I interrupted and told him that all that talk about the operating systems, RAM and gigabytes might as well have been a Chinese poem.  He just stared at me.  My mother took her chance and asked him,

Mom: “Does the Macbook come with Vista?”
Sales Guy: No, but you can buy it.
Mom: But then how does the computer work if it doesn’t have Vista?  Doesn’t it come standard?
Me: Mom, this isn’t an HP, this is a Mac. 
Sales Guy: Macs have their own operating system.  They don’t have Vista.  It’s kind of like Macs are Volvos that come with GPS and PCs are Fords that come with squat.
Mom: Oh.  What’s GPS?

She ended up purchasing a very nice Macbook.  One that I plan on stealing just as soon as I can.

Fast forward to this afternoon.  We were in the car when she suddenly burst out laughing.  When questioned, she said that she finally understood the Mac vs PC commercials.  “What the hell are you talking about?” I asked her.  After several minutes of uncontrollable laughter, she proceeded to tell me that she never understood why the Mac commercials always slammed Vista.  After all, in her warped mind, they ran on Vista too.  She just couldn’t understand why they would make fun of PCs and Vista when Macs would have the very same problem. 

Mom, this one’s for you.