Archive | 10:16 pm

Catherinette = Sappy Sod

9 Oct

How lame am I? No, really. It’s Thursday night, I’m in my pjs, and I’m in tears. Real life actual tears. They are streaming down my cheeks and I can’t make them stop. You see, I’ve experienced a huge loss. Major! Someone that has been a part of me for as long as I can remember.

He lived out in Las Vegas so we had a long distance relationship. We met randomly one night, and just hit it off immediatley. After that initial meeting, I’d find myself seeking him out. Every week we would sit down together and I would be caught up on his latest shenanigans. He led such an exciting life out there in Vegas!! I would hear all about his gambling addiction, his group of friends/coworkers (one an ex stripper), and I even heard about his short marriage.

Tonight he died. And I’m mourning the loss of Warrick Brown from CSI.

Damn you, writers of the show!! Why did you have to kill him off?? I was with you when you wrote Sara off because she was annoying as sin and I always hated the gap in her teeth. So now you kill off Warwick and soon you’ll be writing off Grissom.

You are making mad, writers. I’m going to send you a nasty little note about my hatred for you and how I want to slap you right in your insolent mouths and then beat you with your own shoes. Then I will sign it, “In closing, please suck it.”

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to have to continue my violent sobbing. Tomorrow, I will dress in black.

I wonder if I’ll be invited to the viewing…

A Riveting Conversation with My Sister

9 Oct
  • Me: Whatcha doing?
  • My Sister: Making dinner.
  • Me: Whatcha making?
  • My Sister: My own version of Hamburger Helper.  Only there’s no Hamburger Helper in it.  It’s just hamburger, and I’m helping it.  Sometimes you have to help it.
  • Me: Wow.  That is so awesome.  Live the dream there, little sis.  I mean, helping hamburger really seems like a good cause. Maybe you could start a charity and raise the funds that you need to help it.
  • My Sister: I hate you.
  • Me: Because I came up with the hamburger helper charity idea?  We can’t all be creative geniuses.  I’m mean, sure you’re all crafty with your helping the hamburger along, but really.  Hmm…what would you call it?
  • My Sister: I’m hanging up now.
  • Me: Doesn’t sound really catchy.
  • My Sister: Hating you.  Am really hanging up.
  • Me: Okay, I’ll think of something.  Oh, and sis?
  • My Sister: Yes?
  • Me: Better help along an extra helping because I’m helping myself to some of your Hamburger Helperless hamburger that you’ve helped along.

I’m hoping she’s not going to be helping along my portion by spitting on it.  That wouldn’t be helpful at all.

Protected: Eat Me

9 Oct

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below: