Archive | 10:59 am

Little Tragedy Strikes Again

5 Oct

There’s a possibility that I might kill my neighbor’s stupid kid.  Little Tragedy is out in her backyard barking and howling like a god damned dog.  WTF??  I’m this close to leaning out my window and telling her to shut the fuck up! 

When I bought my house 5 years ago, I insisted on having a single family home so I could have some space between me and my neighbors.  I never realized that the space between our houses wasn’t enough to block out all their god damned shenanigans.  Little Tragedy spends half of her time in her backyard driving me to drink.  She’s so freaking loud all the god damned time!

There she goes again!! “Ohhhhhhhh ooooooooooooooo!!  Ohhhhhhhhhhhh oooooooooooo!”  I think it’s code for, “Someone!  Anyone!!  Please beat me with a shoe!  Or perhaps throw a rock at me.”  Stupid kid!!  She’s clearly doing it to try to harass my dog.  She probably still hates him because he bit her once.  Obviously, he sensed she was missing some brain cells and chose to attack.

I’m hungover, I’m tired, and the last god damned thing I want to hear right now is some stupid kid howling and barking like a god damned dog.  As a matter of fact, I don’t even want to hear my own dog howling and barking.  That’s just unnecessary.

At this point, the only thing that is saving her is the fact that if I move, I might throw up.  The whole world is spinning around me.  No doubt this is due to all of the alcohol that I consumed yesterday.  Perhaps I should just power through, go outside to yell at her, and throw up on her instead.  That’ll show the little bitch.

All this noise is giving me a headache.

Awesome, now her mother is yelling in the front yard.  I fucking hate my life sometimes.  Can’t people just be quiet when I have the cocktail flu?