An Open Letter to My Body

20 Sep

Dear Body,

Hey, how’s it going?  Been a long time since we talked.  Listen, I just wanted to send you a quick note about something.  It’s been on my mind a lot today.  Look, something has to change between the two of us, and it’s this: you need to learn how to handle your alcohol better.

We went out last night, had a good time.  There were young men in their early 20’s hitting on you.  Sure, one of them was so wasted that he could barely stand, as evidenced by his desire to stand so close to you that he was nearly sitting on your lap.  But the other one wasn’t so bad-except for his jacked up pinky.  He could string a sentence together, and managed to walk without falling all over the place.  Plus everyone was so happy to give your jubblies an ogle.  Especially, that one guy that blatantly stared at your tatas, then made eye contact with you and said, “Sorry.” 

Come on, that was fun, right?  So look, if you want to go out and do that again, then you need to not be hung over the next day.  Really.  It’s embarrassing.  It really is.  Do you really have to have a headache all god damned day?  And do you have to be so freaking tired that you want to nap like an old man at 6:00 pm on a Saturday?  That’s just pathetic.  So let’s man up and cut the the shit, okay?

Great.  I’m glad we had this talk.  Think about what I’ve said.

Always, Catherinette

7 Responses to “An Open Letter to My Body”

  1. Wontletlifedefineme / Marjolein September 20, 2008 at 6:11 pm #

    It can get even worse.. Yesterday I had a post-study hangover.. seriously. If you find a way to get your body to listen to you, let me know.

    Ugh, that sounds freaking terrible!! -CS

  2. pistols at dawn September 20, 2008 at 6:14 pm #

    Ooh, you’re like an old man? That’s totally my thing.

    I’m like an old man trapped in the body of a 30 something chick with big knockers. That’s your thing. -CS

  3. Ben September 20, 2008 at 6:36 pm #

    This will be me tomorrow.

    Except for the getting hit on by men in their early 20s. I don’t think the crowd at Hooters will be into me. I mean, I won’t rule it out or anything…

    I demand a recap of your escapades at Hooters. -CS

  4. Cosmo September 22, 2008 at 1:38 pm #

    WTF! My Body is doing the SAME thing. When I was 20.. I had NO problems. Hang over… what is that?

    Now, I’m 30 & I really need to NOT have a hangover (responsibilities & more people, I mean things to do).

    I have a few drinks the night before (around 5 glasses of wine) & the next day I have the cocktail flu.

    SERIOUSLY! I really want the magical hangover cure!

    I think the magical hangover cure is to be young. Damn it! We’re so screwed. -CS

  5. Desiree September 22, 2008 at 6:07 pm #

    For real.

    I believe you mean, for rizzle. -CS

  6. Amadeo September 22, 2008 at 7:16 pm #

    Hmm…I’ve never gotten hangovers…but I can’t stay up for three days straight like I used to…I stay up past a certain time and I might not make it up in the morning.

    You haven’t gotten hangovers because you haven’t tried hard enough. Really. -CS

  7. kristina September 23, 2008 at 3:37 pm #

    If you had enough to drink that you had a hangover, are you sure they were really “young men in their early 20’s”?

    I’m positive. They’re the ones that drove me to drink. -CS

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