Archive | 9:08 pm

The Hidden Perks

15 Sep

There are some hidden perks to living the single life. I was in my nightgown (a frumpy ass granny nightie) by 5:15. I watched 3 episodes of Mad Men while I inhaled a healthy dinner. Mmm…nothing like grilled peaches and goat cheese served over spring greens. It’s amazing what you can do with 5 minutes in the kitchen.

And now? I’m laying in bed (still in the frumpy ass granny nightie), I just inhaled some strawberry ice cream and a brownie-in bed. I’m in the midst of the new version of “Prom Night”. Only bad part of the movie is the sound of the stabbing. So gross.

The best part? There’s no one around to get all Judge Joe Brown on me.

Now I’m only left with one question: is it wrong if I get my ass out of bed and go make myself a cocktail at this hour? I’m thinking that all signs point to no. If you’ll excuse me, there’s a Cosmo that’s waiting to be made and consumed.

Good night, my fellow singletons!

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Even More Vag Jokes

15 Sep

She never stops.  She just keeps them coming (that’s what she said). 

Foxy, that scheming dirty slut, is up to her old tricks…and I don’t mean giving hand jobs in bus station bathroom.  Nope, she’s at it again with her little vag jokes.  Check out her latest one, it’s a doozy.

This will probably come as a total surprise: the joke is at my expense.  I know!!  SHOCKER!

Thankfully, I’m not one to hold a grudge.  Instead, I think I’m going to send you a little gift.  It’s a little something that Ginormous Boobs found.  You know what?  It’s really the gift that keeps on giving.  Now Foxy can really be the crabby dirty bitch she is.

Then again, you probably already have them.  You, whore.