Archive | 6:33 pm

I’m Chuck Bass

9 Sep

Muffy and Lola, this one’s for you.

Thanks. For Nothing.

9 Sep

The company I work for is jacked up.  And I mean freaking jacked.  Each year we make money hand over fist.  There’s so much of it that they wallpaper the executive offices with $100 bills, and all of the toilet paper in the exective washrooms is custom made in Italy…with mongrammed silk.  When you visit the headquarters, you’ll frequently see luxury vehicles parked outside, high class escorts, and mountains of cocaine in the lobby.  For corporate events they don’t hire Frankie J.  Instead, they hire someone to resurrect Frank Sinatra from the dead so he can sing.   

We’re hiring like crazy.  We have several new buildings slated to open next year.  Management has decided that the associates need 2 top of the line flat screen monitors because having 1 just isn’t quite flashy enough.  Really, there’s a lot of money here.

Yet the people in my department are treated like servants.  While the execs have luncheons with filet mignon and crab cakes, we get box lunches with tuna fish sandwiches and a mealy apple.  Come on!!  Can’t we at least have some fresh freaking fruit?  I’ll even go out and freaking pick it, cheap bastards.  When the annual stockholder meetings take place, they give us French Maid costumes and tell us not to talk back to the stock holders.  If the stock holders want to play grab ass with us and chase us around the copy room, we’re supposed to pretend we like it and demand more.

This year my department was awarded a very prestigious industry award.  There are only a handful of organizations in the country that are presented with this award on an annual basis.  We freaking kicked ass and took names.  The company benefits because now they can tell all of their richy rich prospective clients that they’re working with the best of the best.  “There’s going to be a huge celebration,” we’re told.  “You deserve the best for all of your efforts,” they say.  “It’s going to be unlike anything you’ve ever seen before,” they insist.

Today the appointments went out.  The cafeteria.  The fucking cafeteria.  That’s where they’re holding our celebration.  Really?  Really?  The god damned cafeteria?  Let me guess.  They’re going all out and getting us chicken freaking fingers and fries.  Oh!  And instead of just having iced tea in those giant corporate containers, they’re going to give us expired canned soda.

Screw you Corporate America.  Right in your filthy rich butt hole which probably gets cleaned by a platinum bidet that shoots sparkling water.

Just the Tip Tuesday (09/09/08)

9 Sep

Yesterday morning, while I was busy not being at work, and not doing my chores, I found myself watching Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day.  Cute movie, though I imagine there aren’t a lot of straight men out there that would admit to wanting to see it.  Anyhow, one of the best parts of the movie was the hotness that is Lee Pace.  My lord, he is delicious!

Looks familiar, doesn’t he?  That’s because he’s also the lead in Pushing Daisies.  The show is good, it really is.   And the best part is when he gets naked, crawls on his hands and knees and whispers, “Catherinette, I want you,” right into the lens.  God, that is so freaking hot.

Okay, so maybe that only happens in my mind.  But still, he’s hot like hot, hot fire.  It burns me, but in a good way-not the same way that Pistols burns me.