The Old College Try

4 Sep

You know what I love? Running into old college flames. You know what I don’t love? When they happen to be married with 2 small children.

It just so happens that an old secret boyfriend (so secret he doesn’t know anything about it) from college has lived within 10 minutes driving distance. For 13 years. 13 years!! I knew he was living in the area, but had never seen him.

Scratch that, I had never run into him while I was looking good. About 7 years ago I happened to be looking like a fat troll at the Whole Foods in my old neighborhood. Who should I happen to see but the College Democrat with his bitch ass nice wife. I did what anyone would have done, I hid in the produce section, stalked them through the store, and thanked God when they didn’t see me. That was the one and only time I saw him.

Well, as coincidence would have it, I happened to stalk find him on a social networking site a few months ago. We’d email a little bit, then he’d drop off the face of the earth-only to reappear a few weeks later apologizing profusely. For the last 2 months we had been attempting to make plans to meet up for coffee. This was hard to do as he kept disappearing. Up until last week when he finally decided to finalize the plan.

So, people, this Friday, I am having coffee with one of my college crushes, the College Dem.

Yeah, he has a wife so I know he’s off limits, but it’ll still be fun. Sadly, I’ve managed to gain about 1 billion pounds since we last saw each other. I have also, however, managed to get bigger boobs (due to those million pounds gained). Perhaps he’ll just spend his time staring down my shirt, which will obviously be low cut, pining for the old days when we used to hook up.

Ah, romance…

Plus it’ll be a great distraction from the mess that I’m in with 3D, but that’s a post for another day.

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8 Responses to “The Old College Try”

  1. Dr Zibbs September 4, 2008 at 8:55 am #

    Tip: don’t dress like a fat troll (love that line)

    I totally will not be wearing anything that makes me resemble a troll. -CS

  2. Philly September 4, 2008 at 9:04 am #

    Does said wife know about the coffee date?
    Prob not.
    Oh and tell him you have a thyroid problem.

    #1

    Me not know. I’ll find out tomorrow morning. -CS

  3. Cinnkitty September 4, 2008 at 9:47 am #

    Wait.. it almost sounds like you just described pistols…. are you SURE it’s not him? 😉

    After the sores he gave me, I’m not going back to Pistols! -CS

  4. Amadeo September 4, 2008 at 10:24 am #

    Find out if he’s living a life of quiet desperation…then gloat.

    That’s such a good plan. -CS

  5. Mike September 4, 2008 at 10:32 am #

    3D? I think you should rename him boomerang becuase he keeps coming back .

    That’s HILARIOUS! -CS

  6. Del-v September 4, 2008 at 10:46 am #

    Wait, you stood me up for drinks at Mother’s and now you are going out for coffee with some married dude…

    I didn’t stand you up!! I was with Boom Boom in PA and they had a little party. I couldn’t miss it because then she would have mocked me for 100 years. That would have been a travesty and a half. -CS

  7. kristina September 4, 2008 at 1:15 pm #

    I’m guessing none of your boyfriends (old, new, secret or otherwise) read your blog, other wise they would:

    a) never date you in the first place, knowing all of the details will be out there for the world to see

    b) never date you (again?) knowing how crazy you are (not really, but just the “sharing with the world” part, whereas most of us just bitch to our girlfriends)

    c) be planning their revenge on you

    d) hire a hitman

    e) run like hell!

    f) be afraid of your friends

    g) all of the above

    But then again, so many men, so little time… 😉

    I think you’re pretty much right on all accounts. There are things in my life that I actually don’t write about, but those are few and far between. -CS

  8. pistols at dawn September 5, 2008 at 12:05 am #

    Baby, those were the best sores of your life.

    I have sores from lots of different times in my life. I don’t know if I would call the ones that he gave me the best ones. -CS

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