Archive | 4:21 pm

Who Wants A Slice?

3 Sep

Guess what, Foxy?  I’m about to take the cake on the vag jokes

Ready?  Here it comes…(that’s what she said):

Q:  Why do they call Foxy’s vag a pie? 
A: Because it’s covered in a flaky crust.


I win!

College Democrat

3 Sep

The first time the College Democrat and I hooked up was Sophomore year.  Somehow, he managed to lure me into his dorm room.  He must have tricked me by saying something clever like, “Why don’t you come over?”  God, I used to fall for that all the time!!  I know better now…well, at least I pretend to know better now.  I’d had a crush on College Dem for ages-or at least 6 weeks, so there was no way I was turning down the invite.

I walked across the quad to his room, and we proceeded to lay in his bed and listen to music.  He was hammered, I was sober, his roommate was passed out in his bed.  He was quietly singing next to me when he reached over and grabbed my knocker with his hand.  That’s how it all started.  So romantic.  So magical.  This was his clever way of seducing me, and I fell for it: hook, line, and sinker.

Afterwards, I did what any self respecting college girl would do: I got dressed, went back to my room, told my roommate every single detail, and then waited by the phone for him to call me.

College Dem didn’t call.  But that’s just fine because I started dating someone else.  We remained friends and never spoke of the incident again…

Until Junior year when I wound up at his party, drunk off my ass.  You’ll be surprised to hear that I ended up in his bedroom during the party.  There we were, College Dem was naked, I was wearing cowboy boots-which he seemed to like, even though they left mud all over his sheets.  After we were done, I got dressed, walked back to my apartment, told my roommate every dirty detail (that I could remember since I was so hammered that I kind of blacked out), and then waited for him to call me.

He didn’t call, but that’s okay because I started dating someone else.  We remained friends and never spoke of the incident again…In fact, we even went on a trip with the College Democrats together.  My boyfriend at the time came with us.  We had adjoining rooms.  The door was open the night that my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time.  College Dem was in the next room sleeping, I could tell because he snored so loudly it made the bed shake…or maybe that was because I was hitting it with my boyfriend.  Who knows.

We graduated.  We went our separate ways.  I heard he married the stupid bitch whore girl that he started dating our Senior year.

Well, guess who just friend requested me on facebook and wants to get together?