I’ve Been Insprired by CNN

25 Aug

After reading this riveting article on CNN, I have made a major decision.  I’m not mowing my god damned yard one more time.  Not when I can get someone to do it for the low, low price of one Bartles & Jaymes.

Seriously, someone please mow the lawn and I will totally blow you.  Now, if you’re too busy and important to take care of both the front and the backyards, then you can just focus on the front.  In exchange, I’ll let you feel my knockers.

P.S. You might have to bring your own mower because I can’t get my brand freaking new one to start. 

P.P.S. If you’re hot, I’ll totally do you too.

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15 Responses to “I’ve Been Insprired by CNN”

  1. dopeypants August 25, 2008 at 1:15 pm #

    Those guys I hired down at the Home Depot will be disappointed when it comes time to pay them and instead I unzip my man-trousers. Or maybe that’s what they’re after?

    In that same vein, when a homeless person asks me for change can I just flash them my frontal trunk? Seems fair enough.

    You should totally give that up to the homeless. That’s what they’re really looking for anyway. -CS

  2. Del-v August 25, 2008 at 1:24 pm #

    Ass, grass or gas – no one rides for free.

    I’ll be over to mow your grass tonight.

    Sweet. Afterwards, you can take me out for a drink. -CS

  3. Mike August 25, 2008 at 2:43 pm #

    Put that on a cardboard sign outside your place and you’ll have a line forming. Might not be that much of a line, but they will come.

    “…they will come.” BWAHAHAHA!! -CS

  4. pistols at dawn August 25, 2008 at 3:30 pm #

    If it’s a hot day, you’re really going to regret that deal.

    No I won’t. I’d hate mowing the lawn more. -CS

  5. Augusto August 25, 2008 at 3:34 pm #

    Women are so lucky…lucky that men are so horny and can be “man”ipulated so easily.

    I’m definitely jealous.

    We don’t take advantage of this enough. -CS

  6. Diane Mandy August 25, 2008 at 4:28 pm #

    This is not the post I was expecting when I saw I’ve Been Inspired By CNN.

    I know what you mean. Didn’t really expect to see something like this on CNN. -CS

  7. Sav August 25, 2008 at 4:44 pm #

    GREAT CNN Article…..we should start a business…..Sex for Stuff…we could make a KILLING!!

    If I were you…I’d arrange for the mower to come back the next day when his nether regions weren’t sweaty and didn’t have random stray stuck on grass particles….that’s just my thought process!!

    You can make them shower first. -CS

  8. Jinksy August 25, 2008 at 5:51 pm #

    Its not everyday you get offered fellatio in exchange for yard work. Unfortunately, my wife doesn’t believe in former President Clinton’s definition of sex, so I will have to decline.

    On the other hand, what are you will to offer in exchange for your hedge’s getting clipped?

    Screw the hedges, I don’t give a damn about those. All I care about is the lawn. -CS

  9. stepping over the junk August 25, 2008 at 8:27 pm #

    I wish I had a lawn…sigh…too bad there are no hot plumbers in this city

    Do you really? Why? You’d have to mow it. Having a lawn just isn’t worth the trouble. -CS

  10. lailani August 25, 2008 at 8:38 pm #

    what if a lady takes you up on this? still into it?

    I’d feel her up and maybe motorboat her. How about that? -CS

  11. Dr Zibbs August 25, 2008 at 9:20 pm #

    “take care of the front and back yards” – a little doubel enton’?

    Maybe… -CS

  12. Princess Extraordinaire August 26, 2008 at 8:06 am #

    SO what do you give for cleaning the house??

    A heartfelt “thank you”. -CS

  13. Amadeo August 26, 2008 at 9:33 am #

    Damn…the old man does lawns in our neighborhood would jump at an offer like this. It would also teach young guys the value of hard work.

    Well, “hard work” is important. -CS

  14. Jon August 26, 2008 at 3:07 pm #

    I love mowing my lawn. And I live in Bawlmer. Just saying….

    Then I’ll expect you over at around 6:00 ish. -CS

  15. Loose Cannon August 27, 2008 at 3:02 pm #

    They used to call me Scissorhands. What is the going rate for trimming shrubbery? Are there any yard gnomes I should be aware of? It’s important to me to do an accurate job.

    I only care about the grass. Not the shrubs!! And there are no gnomes, though there are some flamingoes you should watch out for. -CS

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