Give Me Ice Cream. RIGHT NOW!

21 Aug

Be thankful you’re not sitting next to me right now.  If you were, it’s quite possible that I might find any excuse to yell at you until you cry, then tear off your head with my bare hands and throw it across the room.  As soon as that were over, I would immediately cross the room and kick you in the stomach.  Then I would suddenly begin sobbing uncontrollably.  The only thing that could make me stop is chocolate.  And ice cream.  And some booze.  And probably some pistachio nuts.

I’m starting to get angry right now.  I’m watching In Plain Sight and have come to the realization that Leslie Ann Warren is quite possibly one of the worst actresses in all eternity.  Why, makers of In Plain Sight, did you cast her?  WHY??  You did this to make me angry, didn’t you?  I freaking hate you.  There’s only one way to rectify this: ice cream.

I am PMSing in the worst freaking way.  In the span of 15 minutes I’ve managed to burst into tears over the latest Dove body wash commercial.  Then I had to run to the kitchen to find some chocolate.  Currently, I’m waiting for the pint of Haagen Dazs to soften up a little so I can do some damage.  Oh how I hate this time of the month.  I imagine that when it’s bedtime, I’ll find some other reason to cry.  Or else I’ll get mad over nothing-like that my nail polish is chipping, or my hair didn’t dry just right-then I’ll start silently seething with rage.  Super sweet times.  No, really.

Thankfully, there may be some relief in sight.  Sure, I’ll have to suffer through it this month, but next month should be better.  Being the popular and important “writer” I like to pretend I am has some benefits.  The nice people over at Premcal decided that they wanted to send me a few months worth of their stuff.  How could I turn them down?  So, Premcal, let’s see what you’ve got.  And it better freaking work or else I might have to break something, and then eat the world. 

Too bad it doesn’t come in a tasty chocolate flavor.  Bummer.  I think I might start to cry again.

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14 Responses to “Give Me Ice Cream. RIGHT NOW!”

  1. Newmie August 21, 2008 at 11:07 pm #

    How about come cookies? I can bake.

    Kim Do Drink!

    POOL!

    What the hell are come cookies? -CS

  2. Newmie August 21, 2008 at 11:07 pm #

    I meant SOME cookies. Not cum cookies. Cause the latter would be gross. And Salty.

    I am so ashamed.

    Gotcha. Some cookies are better than cum cookies. Yeah, get to baking. I could use some cookies right about now. -CS

  3. pistols at dawn August 22, 2008 at 12:28 am #

    I’d say something mean, but you’d probably cut me, because everyone knows Mexicans always have knives.

    I hide the razor blades in my hair. That’s what all the cool kids do. -CS

  4. LizBits August 22, 2008 at 12:52 am #

    Oh, I’m right there with you!! We can have a PMS party…1, 2, 3….G.D.M.F’ing.Being a Woman.Bullsh*t!!!!….wait, does that mean I have touretts? I am very serious when I say that men should have to go through some sort of pain equal to cramps and bloating….it’s just not fair!!! 😉

    You know what would be super? If we had a free pass to kick guys in the nuts when we were PMSing. God, that would make me feel so much better. -CS

  5. Penny Lane August 22, 2008 at 1:32 am #

    you are soo right! why do EVERYONE conspires just to piss you off?? don’t they have lives?? what the hell is everyone else’s problem??? how do people get to be so annoying???

    (i think MY time of the month just came a week early)

    You’re totally cycle stalking me, aren’t you? Now you’re going to end up having your period the same time I have mine. Stalker. -CS

  6. gnugs August 22, 2008 at 8:07 am #

    It’ll be ok. remember. The world will NEVER run out of ice cream.

    Thank freaking God for that. -CS

  7. gnugs August 22, 2008 at 8:08 am #

    And if it does, I’ll help you exact sweet vengeance upon it.

    Do you think we’ll have to activate our wonder twin powers to exact revenge? -CS

  8. Cinnkitty August 22, 2008 at 8:44 am #

    Ah-ha! This explains the eruption of Mount Saint Simone on my upper lip! We must be cycling together. Dammit — I thought you had to actually be around other women for it to sync up.

    And seriously.. my upper lip? I mean come on! What a HORRID place for her to appear. My chin, forehead or cheek I’m used to, but my upper freakin’ lip?? AUGH!

    It shouldn’t surprise you. Simone is a bitch and ruins everything all the time. She picks the place that will make you the most angry. Clearly she chose wisely this time around. -CS

  9. Foxy Luv August 22, 2008 at 9:39 am #

    You need to stop cycle-stalking me! I am PMS-ed too! But not as bad you are you – good lord! Calm down and stuff!

    I just want to be like you, Foxy. Let’s get UTIs together. Want to? -CS

  10. Mike August 22, 2008 at 9:43 am #

    You’re PMSing? Really? I couldn’t tell. 🙂

    You’re going to be sorry you wrote that, mister! I’m coming after you. Better sleep with one eye open tonight. -CS

  11. Red August 22, 2008 at 9:48 am #

    Mike – shut up. Men have no f–king clue what this is like, and no joke you make about it will ever be funny to a woman. Ever.

    Leslie Anne Warren was really good in CLUE, and PURE COUNTRY, but those are kind of the same part. Sorry to hear IN PLAIN SIGHT was so painful. Hope you’re doing better!

    She plays the same exact character in every single thing. Always the same, a slutty basket case with poor judgement. Kind of like me. -CS

  12. Suzie Q August 22, 2008 at 11:18 am #

    Please let us know how the Premcal works! I have PMS so bad it hurts – literallly! Could use some relief – and since I have to work until midnight tonight – OMFG! – gettin’ my Boozy Suzy on isn’t an option!

    I will most certainly keep you posted. It’ll take a few weeks for it to work, but I will definitely let you know how it goes. -CS

  13. sidocious August 22, 2008 at 12:03 pm #

    I can’t tell you how much I feel you on this!! I was so close to grabbing my computer and throwing it through my office window yesterday. Then I went home, had a martini, baked some cookies, put them on top of ice cream and slathered the whole thing with chocolate syrup. All this and I have to be in a bathing suit tomorrow.

    If it makes you feel any better, I had to sqeeze myself into a bathing suit today. My friends were nice enough to not tell me how fat I was. Instead they just kept pouring drinks down my throat. I heart my friends. -CS

  14. mspuddin August 22, 2008 at 1:14 pm #

    quick, grab a tub of vanilla or chocolate ice cream, a blender and some cheap vodka. stat!

    Such a good idea… -CS

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