An Important Public Service Announcement

13 Aug

 Spicy peppers can burn your nether bits if you don’t do a good job of washing your hands after handling the little buggers.

How do I know this? Easy! Just the other morning, my friend called me to let me know that he had enjoyed some fresh jalepeno peppers from his garden for dinner that evening. I can’t remember what on earth he made for dinner-but that’s not important. Later that night, he decided to treat himself to a visit from Rosie Hand and her 5 friends. About 2 minutes into his romance fest, he realized that his…ahem…junk was staring to burn.

“Strange,” he thought to himself. “Did my girlfriend give me something and that’s why I’m burning?”

He decided to power through it and keep on manhandling himself. Another 2 minutes later flames were shooting out of the tip of his man bits. It was then he realized that the oils from the jalepeno peppers had still been on his hands and that’s what was causing the burning sensation. He had to jump into a very cold shower and scrub himself clean. The sad, tragic part is that it took 40 minutes of vigorous scrubbing to get rid of the burn.

Let this be a lesson to you! The next time you decide to handle spicy peppers, you may want to think twice before touching yourself afterwards.


17 Responses to “An Important Public Service Announcement”

  1. Gotham Girl August 13, 2008 at 10:20 am #

    OMG! My morning coffee came through my nostrils as I read this post. It’s not really funny I suppose, however I know what its like to rub your eye after handling a jalepeno pepper. I’m sure his experience was MUCH worse. Anyway, thanks for the story. You put a smile on my face today! 🙂

    It’s freaking hilarious!! Nose out of coffee is always the desired result. 🙂 -CS

  2. Sloane August 13, 2008 at 10:23 am #

    Oh this has happened to me. Very, very, very bad.

    I was minding my own B. I. business, when Dirty started getting frisky and started petting the cat.

    P.S. he had just made a guacamole with jalapenos.

    Needless to say, I spent the rest of the night in a cold bath. A mojito and a pair of white cotton drawers helped dull the pain.

    Then I guilted him into buying me a pair of Cavalli sunglasses. 🙂

    Ouch! Ouch!! Ouch!!! I can’t imagine how freaking awful that must have been for you. If it’s on their junk at least they can soak their junk in water. We, on the other hand, can’t-assuming the burn is on the inside. -CS

  3. cinnkitty August 13, 2008 at 10:36 am #

    ha..ha.ha.. and remind your readers that the same thing applies for EATING peppers and then trying to eat umm…. well… uhhhh…. let’s just say “Placing your mouth on any naughty bits”.. ha..ha..ha..

    Aw yes! How could I forget that part?? -CS

  4. Amadeo August 13, 2008 at 10:56 am #

    You should make a video PSA about this…kinda like Reefer Madness.

    “Jim is about to have…a “spicy meatball”.

    I think “spicy meatball” is actually something that Claude knows about. -CS

  5. Andrew August 13, 2008 at 11:14 am #

    Been there done that, not the self abuse part with chillis, but the placing of hands on the holiest of holy s. Milk works best to remove the burn…

    Aw yes. I forgot about how milk helps. Next time I burn my hands with spicy peppers I’m totally going to soak them in milk. -CS

  6. SinisterDan August 13, 2008 at 11:20 am #

    Cut Scotch Bonnet peppers and then rubbed my eye.

    Squealed like a pig…and not in the good way, either.

    Ouch! That freaking hurts!!

    One time, I took my contacts out right after handling poblano peppers. My eyes were on fire for at least an hour. -CS

  7. Falwless August 13, 2008 at 12:28 pm #

    Oh dear. Also, for the girls, don’t spray those Bath & Body Works perfume-y sprays down there. Trust me on this one. Alcohol and your no-no place don’t mix well.

    Why would you want your Vangie Dickinson to smell like plumeria or white cotton? -CS

  8. LarryLily August 13, 2008 at 12:52 pm #

    I know this woman from an online chat room years back, she told me this story about her and her soon to be hubby while they were both in college. This was before they had had sex between them.

    Friday night date, out to a typical bar/pub, they had hot wings and beer. They go back to her apartment, and things start out warm, petting and the like. then after some girl time by him, he starts to drop his hands inside her pants. Moving along, pants slid down now, he is starting to finger her. She says “I am getting hot.” Taking this as encouragement he probes deeper. She says, “No, I am really getting hot”. After two more finger thrusts, she bolts up running to the bathroom yelling “I am F’ng burning up inside me”

    Seems he didnt wash his hands after dinner, and well, he still didnt get any further that night.

    Holy freaking ouch!! That poor woman!! I can’t imagine how freaking painful that must have been. I hope she kicked him right in his nut sack for that one. -CS

  9. Georgia August 13, 2008 at 1:40 pm #

    thanks for the o so important PSA. your timing is amazing. hubby and I are cooking with hot peppers tonight.

    I’m here for you. I know it’s anniversary week and all and I just don’t want you to burn yourself later when you’re “celebrating”. -CS

  10. Queen of Planet Hotflash August 13, 2008 at 2:42 pm #

    LMAO.. telling hubby right now about the burning weiner tale …

    Burning weiners are so funny to me!! -CS

  11. Chris August 13, 2008 at 3:30 pm #

    Wait, I don’t understand. What was he doing touching his naughty places? Jesus told me you’re not supposed to do that, no matter how good it might make you feel.

    I know, right. Jesus says you’ll go blind if you do that. -CS

  12. Bob Dobalina August 13, 2008 at 3:38 pm #

    Not letting me vote.. but I did try.

    Bastard site. Why’s it gotta be like that?? -CS

  13. Red August 13, 2008 at 3:39 pm #

    Humor Blogs won’t let me vote for you anymore 😦

    You know what? Then I’m not going to vote for it anymore either. -CS

  14. kristina August 13, 2008 at 3:45 pm #

    Well I don’t know about the rest of you, but if I handle jalapeno peppers, my hands are burning waaay before I might use them on any other bits (mine or someone else’s), so I’m not sure how you are all making such a big mistake and burning your nether-regions?

    Maybe I’m just very delicate… (ha!!)

    Say, this could be a way to discourage someone you don’t want to get ‘close’ to – “You want me to give you a hand job? Oh yeah baby, just let me get something from the kitchen first…”

    You know what? I think you’re onto something here. Perhaps the next time that someone requests a bj I’ll totally eat an entire hot pepper first. Take that! -CS

  15. douchegirl August 13, 2008 at 9:40 pm #

    One of my professors told us this very unfortunate story:

    One time him and his wife were eating jalapenos with dinner. After eating, they went to the bedroom to engage in “adult activities” and when he “went for the gold’….. “let’s just say her lips were on fire.”

    Yes, I quoted him verbatim.

    Wow, that’s a little TMI from a professor!! I certainly didn’t have that kind of relationship with mine, not even close. -CS

  16. Detail Medic August 18, 2008 at 4:50 pm #

    You know, a classmate of mine told me a similar story about a first date of his and one of those famous crab pretzels with the Old Bay on top…

    OUCH! -CS

  17. Mollie August 20, 2008 at 2:31 pm #

    Am I the only person who notice that the chic in the picture has a freaking HUGE forehead?!?

    I like to call it five-head. -CS

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