Archive | 4:05 pm

Oh Dear God

31 Jul

I’m gonna do it, I’m going to be a bitch.  Look, someone has to do it, and that person is clearly me.  You all know that you want to be as free as I am and tell the truth (when you’re not too busy hypothetically lying to your significant other about how many people you’ve slept with).  Ready?  Here it comes.

Not all babies are cute.  Some of them are quite ugly.  It makes us uncomfortable when we see one that looks like this:

It just so happens that I have a friend who has a baby that looks EXACTLY like the little monkey in this picture.  I mean freaking exactly.  As a matter of fact, if you put the baby next to this monkey, I’d have a hard time telling which is which.  The only way I’d be able to figure it out is by waving a banana in front of both of them and seeing which one reaches out for it.

How was I supposed to react when the proud mother unwrapped the tiny baby to reveal Marcel from “Friends” ?  I half expected Ross to come running down the hall trying to capture the escaped primate.  I was horrified.  Truly horrified.  I almost asked her if she had considered naming the baby Monchichi or if she baby liked banana flavored formula.

Do people know it when their baby is less than cute?  Are you aware that someone might think it belongs in a tree?

I’m a bitch.  I know this.  I really do, but someone had to put it out there.  Now those of you that think the same thing can rest easy.