Archive | 10:07 am

Death by Strangulation

16 Jul

There are times when I want to strangle everyone in my family.  This is one of those times.  Both my mother and sister are silently begging me to wrap my hands around their necks and squeeze until their faces turn purple.  I might go head and do it.

I’m busy and important.  I’m the type of person that makes plans way in advance.  My mother and sister both know this.  They’re both aware that if they want me for something, that they have to make plans ahead of time.  You can’t just call me on Wednesday and assume that I’m sitting around with my thumb up my ass waiting around for someone to ask me to do something for the weekend.  That just doesn’t happen.

This weekend will mark the first weekend since 3D and I started dating that I am healthy and we’re both home.  We decided last weekend that we would stay home all day on Saturday and not make plans.  Saturday night we’re having dinner over at my mom’s house with the family.  For this Sunday, he asked me out on a date.  Of course I said yes. 

Now here come my sister and my mother all pissed off because I didn’t make time to help them do stupid ass boring shit. 

Yeah, sorry, sis that I don’t want to watch the kids while you fix up house.  Not exactly my idea of a relaxing afternoon.  Oh, and hauling a dresser and a table around isn’t relaxing either.  No, I’m not doing it.  If you want some help, then ask in advance.  You know that I make plans way ahead of time, this isn’t something new.  I happen to have my own life.  I know, it’s shocking, but it’s true.  Bt dubs, your efforts to guilt me into helping you are gold. 

And thanks, mom, for trying to wedge yourself in the middle.  Not sure if you noticed this, but both my sister and I are grown up and can resolve our own problems.  When I tell you to let us work it out on our own, that means that you should quietly remove yourself from the situation-not interject more and treat me like I’m 12 years old and force me into doing something that I don’t want to do.  Butt out. 

I know exactly what’s going to happen.  Exactly.  On Saturday night my mom is going to lecture me in front of 3D.  She’ll do this on purpose to try to make me feel small, and to try to get him to pressure me into helping my sister.  I will seriously beat her with her own shoe.  My other guess is that my sister will be Bitter Betty from here until then.

God how I “love” family sometimes.

Update: As an added bonus, my mom just called me at work to lecture me on how I treat my sister.  Really?  I decided to be really mature about it and hung up on her.