Archive | 10:16 am

Smooth Like Sandpaper

14 Jul

This weekend marks a first for me: 3D took me home to meet his parents.  We’re midway through month 2 of our whirlwind romance and meeting the family seemed like a good idea.  He’s done an exceptionally good job of hiding how well his parents have done for themselves.  He apparently forgot to mention that his father owns a plane.  Oops, don’t know how he managed that.  Or that the kick ass house they live in happens to have a 5 car garage.  Yeah, you read that right, 5 car garage.  Material things don’t really matter to me (unless we’re talking Michael Kors and Chloe handbags), still it was a nice surprise to see that he was raised with some extra comforts.

His mother has impeccible taste.  The house and yard are seriously out of Home & Garden magazine.  Absolutely beautiful.  She has some of the most beautiful gardens I have ever seen.  There are gladiolas, lillies, and a bunch of other fancy flowers with names that are unpronouncable.  Their home is very much an oasis in the hills of Pennsylvania. 

I’m pleased to report that it went well, and I did a good job of not making a fool of myself.  At least not too much of a fool of myself.  Sure, there was a moment when I wanted to curl up and die on their lawn, but other than that, it went quite well.

Saturday night we were all gathered at the picnic table in his parent’s massive backyard.  “We” consists of both his parents, 2 sisters, 2 brothers-in-law, the niece, nephew, 3D and myself.  After a long day of being exposed to “country” things, it was time to sit down and have a relaxing dinner in the backyard of their estate.  This is where I showed off my grace.  I was getting up from my bench and I stumbled.  The stumble led to an all out panic and I fell back onto the bench, pushed the table-making all the drinks spill-then slipped sideways and landed with a giant thud on my side.  I landed right in front of his mother.

Oh, and I forgot to mention that I was wearing a skirt with nothing underneath.  I’m pretty sure that his mother was treated to a surprise sighting of Vageena Davis.  She didn’t say anything to me, but I could have sworn I saw her wipe a tear from her cheek.

Freaking embarrassing.