Goodbye Forever

27 May

My throat hurts.  My body aches.  I’m sweating.  I’m dizzy.  I’m not going to make it.  I’m on my deathbed, I can just feel it.

Lord only knows how it happened, but I managed to contract the world’s deadliest and most painful version of the flu.  I’ve never had a sore throat as painful as this one.  Every time I have to swallow I break out into a sweat and my eyes start to tear up.  I can’t eat anything.  I can’t drink anything.  So far the only thing I’ve managed to do for the last two days is wonder how on earth I could possibly survive much longer.  Oh, and I did also do some sweating.

I can’t talk because it hurts my throat.  I can barely open my freaking mouth at all!

UHG!  Kill me now!!  I’m sweating again because I have to swallow.  CHRIST THAT FREAKING HURTS!!

Meanwhile, this flu is robbing me of the Duran Duran concert tonight and potentially of my date with 3D tomorrow night.  We’ve been text messaging for the last few minutes and he’s been so sweet:

  • Me: Guess how I spent the day? In bed with the flu.  Hope your day was better than mine.
  • 3D: Oh no! What can I do to help?
  • Me: I’m still alive but just barely.  If I don’t make it you’ll have to tell my mom that your tacos are better than hers.  I don’t think Duran Duran is in my future.
  • 3D: U poor thing!  When did u get sick? Want me to bring u gatorade, crackers, ginger ale?
  • Me:  I woke up with a fever yesterday and have been dying ever since.  Thanks for offering but the thought of swallowing anything makes me want to cry.
  • 3D: That’s what she said

I do believe I’ve found my match.

19 Responses to “Goodbye Forever”

  1. Newmie May 27, 2008 at 12:09 pm #

    You must be sick. I can’t believe you let him beat you to a “that’s what she said.”

    I’m so ashamed! -CS

  2. Mike May 27, 2008 at 12:29 pm #

    Feel better.

    Hopefully the antibiotics I just took will kick in immediately if not sooner. -CS

  3. Del-V May 27, 2008 at 12:32 pm #

    A fever? This isn’t the Irish flu, is it? Sorry to hear you’re sick. You’ll see Duran Duran again. Seriously, drink Gatoraide or water even if it hurts.

    You mean “the cocktail flu”. No, it isn’t, it’s Strep Throat and it makes me angry. -CS

  4. Infamous JP May 27, 2008 at 1:10 pm #

    Haha that is what she said!!! You know it’s sad when someone beats YOU to it. You didn’t even get a chance to backtrack to that point.

    Come on, you and Newmie both know that the waiter totally deserved it on Friday night. I’m sorry, one cannot let it go when someone is talking about “eating nuts out of his hand.” -CS

  5. Foxy Luv May 27, 2008 at 1:29 pm #

    3D is funny! But the death flu is not…so feel better!

    Death flu totally sucks. -CS

  6. Margaret May 27, 2008 at 1:30 pm #

    The ability to be funny while dying is the sign of a true artist. Well done, you.

    And here I thought I was being boring. I’m glad that I didn’t let the Strep over take me. -CS

  7. cinnkitty May 27, 2008 at 1:40 pm #

    Let me just say that A.) I’m VERY sorry that you are sick and going to miss the DD concert and B.) HOLY HELL that 3D is a keeper… you tell him you are sick and he OFFERS to bring you stuff???

    Girl… hold onto this one whatever it takes… I don’t care how much it hurts to swallow. 😉 hee..hee..

    Seriously…. if I were to tell Ranger I was sick he’d likely say “Oh babe, that’s too bad.. .call me when you feel better” (click). Yeah… I’m pretty sure that’s how it would go.

    Get better!!!!!

    This one is a hot little angel. When I told him I had Strep he offered to take me to the doctors. I think I might lurve him. -CS

  8. Caribbeanlurker May 27, 2008 at 2:29 pm #

    Awww! No matter how much it hurts you should be drinking tooooons of water that way you will be feeling better. I know your pain! I was sick last week but weather in here makes it worst ‘cos we were at 110º F

    Sure, just rub it in that you’re in the tropics. -CS

  9. Amadeo May 27, 2008 at 2:48 pm #


    [insert drumroll here] -CS

  10. Brandi May 27, 2008 at 3:16 pm #

    Try Theraflu. It tastes pretty nasty. My honey adds LOTS AND LOTS of sugar to it and it ends up tasting like warm tea. And, nest of all – it works!

    There is no fucking way I’m taking that stuff. NONE! I had a terrible episode the last time I took it. Ugh. Nasty. -CS

  11. Brandi May 27, 2008 at 3:17 pm #

    Uhhhh….yeah….. I meant BEST of all. Damn typos!

    I prefer “nest of all”. That’s so much funnier. -CS

  12. Desiree May 27, 2008 at 3:47 pm #

    Yuck. I just hate when I can’t swallow. Feel better soon.

    That’s what she said. -CS

  13. Philly May 27, 2008 at 3:57 pm #

    Does he do windows? Or more importantly, cut grass?

    Honey, he does it all. He mows, cleans gutters, is handy around the house, looks fabulous without a shirt on, is funny, hot, and he also cooks (kind of). -CS

  14. Bob Dobalina May 27, 2008 at 4:53 pm #

    I hate it when Desiree can’t swallow too.
    Sorry, had to, it’s as mandatory as ‘she said’.

    Feel better lass, flu is misery.

    Let him bring you gatorade and crackers. Nothing makes a guy feel more helpful / useful / prince charming than being able to bring a girl something when she’s sick.

    Besides if he sees you when you are sick and gross, you will look 50x as hot when you are healthy again and he will be all over you.

    That totally was a that’s what she said.

    Seriously? Guys want to do that? For real?

    I feel like I’d have to put on make up and get dressed and mow the front lawn before letting him in my house. No, he can’t come over. -CS

  15. pistols at dawn May 27, 2008 at 8:56 pm #

    He’s the best me substitute you can find for now, I suppose. It’s shameful, what women have to do to replace the me-sized voids in their lives.

  16. Bob Dobalina May 27, 2008 at 9:16 pm #

    Well can’t speak for all guys, or most guys, or even the 3 guys on my cell block. But a few weeks ago my friend was sick and within minutes I was down the street raiding the shelves of the market for fizzy water and saltines.

    It’s like a big-strong-protector archetype thing. Or just the natural instinct to do something nice for someone ya like.

    Either way I felt awesome when she said it made her feel better. (even tho it probably didn’t, i mean it’s just crackers, not penicillin).

  17. Wontletlifedefineme / Marjolein May 28, 2008 at 2:51 pm #

    I hope you feel better soon!

    Do you have anything like mucoangin there? Apparently it numbs your throat (making it easier to swallow) and works really well.

  18. thenextfish May 28, 2008 at 9:01 pm #

    He really is a dreamboat! I’m totally impressed.

  19. Ginormous Boobs May 30, 2008 at 4:28 pm #

    Bobby D, it did make me feel better. Lots and lots better. And feel special because I let you see me looking like a homeless chick.

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