My throat hurts. My body aches. I’m sweating. I’m dizzy. I’m not going to make it. I’m on my deathbed, I can just feel it.
Lord only knows how it happened, but I managed to contract the world’s deadliest and most painful version of the flu. I’ve never had a sore throat as painful as this one. Every time I have to swallow I break out into a sweat and my eyes start to tear up. I can’t eat anything. I can’t drink anything. So far the only thing I’ve managed to do for the last two days is wonder how on earth I could possibly survive much longer. Oh, and I did also do some sweating.
I can’t talk because it hurts my throat. I can barely open my freaking mouth at all!
UHG! Kill me now!! I’m sweating again because I have to swallow. CHRIST THAT FREAKING HURTS!!
Meanwhile, this flu is robbing me of the Duran Duran concert tonight and potentially of my date with 3D tomorrow night. We’ve been text messaging for the last few minutes and he’s been so sweet:
Me: Guess how I spent the day? In bed with the flu. Hope your day was better than mine.
3D: Oh no! What can I do to help?
Me: I’m still alive but just barely. If I don’t make it you’ll have to tell my mom that your tacos are better than hers. I don’t think Duran Duran is in my future.
3D: U poor thing! When did u get sick? Want me to bring u gatorade, crackers, ginger ale?
Me: I woke up with a fever yesterday and have been dying ever since. Thanks for offering but the thought of swallowing anything makes me want to cry.
3D: That’s what she said
I do believe I’ve found my match.