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Appropriate Workplace Humor

23 May

There’s nothing like calling your work friends “hookers” and catching a quick feel in the hallway when no one’s looking.  We all know that Foxy is funny and that from time to time we have work conversations that are less than professional.  As a matter of fact, I’m surprised that we haven’t been sent to HR and been promptly fired. 

Today, Foxy took a different approach.  She went into our mail room to pick up her mail and was kind enough to check my box too.  [Ha ha!  I said “box”.]  Anyway, I knew she was up to something when she flashed me her devious whore smile of hers. 

Next thing I know she says to me, “Hey, I picked up your mail again.”  Then she handed me this…

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Grow Up

23 May

When did this happen?   No, I’m not referring to a herp sore or how I’ve managed to gain 40+ pounds since I graduated from college 13 years ago.  I have a hard time pinpointing the exact moment that I became an adult.

I find myself wondering about this from time to time when I’m laying (alone, oh so very alone) in my bed in the home I bought with my very own money (and the money that my mom and dad so generously gave me).  There’s a list of things that I run down when the question pops into my head.

  • I own a single family home.  Sure the yard is an absolute freaking disaster, but it’s mine and I can do whatever I want with it.  And that includes never having had the gutters cleaned since I bought the house in 2003.
  • I own a car.  Which desperately needs an oil change…and has needed one for about 6 months now.
  • I mow my own lawn.  And the water meter too.
  • I pay my bills on time (usually).  Depending on whether or not it’s going to get in my way of boozing.
  • I have a job.  Scratch that, I have a career-complete with benefits, paid vacation, business cards and a shiny title.

Yet none of these things makes me feel like a grown up.  In my mind, I’m still that insecure, teenager from high school.  The one that was too shy to talk to boys, and would turn bright red if the teacher ever called on my in class.  The girl that would watch from the sidelines as her crush flirted with another girl.

We all have our moments of immaturity, I probably have more than most people, but the fact is that I am an adult.  The realization hit me this morning when I was reminding myself to run an errand at lunch time.  This is the ultimate errand in adulthood-nothing beats this.  Nothing.

I’m going out to buy a 12 pack of beer and condoms.

I’m so boss it freaking hurts me.  Maybe I’ll pick up a copy of the Economist and yell at some kids to get their asses in school. I’m totally grown up.  Either that or I really am in high school and I’m borrowing my older sister’s fake ID so I can score some Milwaukee’s Best.