Boom Boomisms

19 May

It’s been almost a week since I found that message that would bring me close to a heart attack.  At the time, I was ready to just die of humiliation.  So strange to think how things can change so drastically in just a matter of days.  All of it seem like nothing now.  I’m in a completely different place right now and delighted that I didn’t wallow in it.

I’d venture to say that I’ve done a complete 180.  Boom Boom on the other hand, would call it a 360.  I know this because we had this conversation last Tuesday:

  • Boom Boom: How’s such and such doing?
  • Me: Seriously, he’s like a different person.  You wouldn’t even know him now.
  • BB: God, it’s like he did a total 360.
  • Me: Actually, that would mean that he was exactly the same.  I think you mean a 180.

While we were in in line for The Colbert Report we were chatting about her ability to get common sayings completely wrong.  That’s one of the things that I love most about her.  It takes a good friend to be able to translate some of her attempts.  For example, if she tells you that your “necklace is back at the beginning”, that means that the clasp is at the base of your neck.  The second she said those words to me I knew exactly what she meant, but I proceeded to mock her anyway.

She and Depeche Mode were coming up with a list of other sayings she messed up.  By far the best one has to do with the gift horse and it’s mouth.

  • Normal Person: Never look a gift horse in the mouth.
  • Boom Boom: Never kick a gift horse in the mouth.

I think I pulled something when she said it. Seriously, tears were streaming down my cheek.  As Depeche Mode and I proceeded to mock her for that, she explained at kicking it in the mouth was far worse than looking at it in the mouth.  She does have a valid point.

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8 Responses to “Boom Boomisms”

  1. Kicked Horse May 19, 2008 at 10:51 pm #

    Dude…your friend Boom sounds pretty insightful. It’s as if her boomisms have wiped your mind of that douchebag and his hoebag. Maybe that’s the magic of boom…

    Boom Boom has the power to heal. She always says it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have kicked a horse in the mouth. It’s touching. -CS

  2. Philly May 20, 2008 at 9:05 am #

    Never lick a gift horse in the mouth either

    Yeah, that’s really bad too. -CS

  3. Red May 20, 2008 at 9:47 am #

    She’s like your own personal Yogi Berra.

    She totally is, only she doesn’t coach baseball. -CS

  4. Shieldmaiden96 May 20, 2008 at 12:32 pm #

    My sister had two classics:

    I was in college and was going to be in a play. My mother wanted to send me flowers and was wondering aloud at the dinner table with my grandparents, et al, if she should send them to the dorm or the post office on campus. My sister said “Won’t FDS take care of that?” Everyone laughed but my grandfather, who didn’t know what FDS was.

    She pulled out a vial of little pills that she said were helping her with her allergies, that she’d gotten at the health food store. She asked me if I was into homeophobic medicine.

    BWAHAHAHA!! FDS!! That’s freaking hysterical!! I totally know that there are like 5 people that don’t get it. People, FDS is Feminine Deodorant Spray. BWAHAHAHA!! -CS

  5. doorknob_dan May 20, 2008 at 3:45 pm #

    You gotta admit, she sure sticks up her guns!

    Where can I get some of this FDS stuff? There’s an old lady that hangs out in my apartment foyer that gives the place a musty old lady smell, maybe I can do a driveby on her.

    That would be so funny if you just did a driveby spraying. You could also try some Lysol. Oh! Or Fabreze!! -CS

  6. Amadeo May 20, 2008 at 7:16 pm #

    Well, kicking it would be rude…it was free.

    Maybe you don’t want the gifts it wants to give you. -CS

  7. pistols at dawn May 20, 2008 at 7:46 pm #

    Maybe she just loves animals, and feels that horsekickings go woefully underreported.

    Hmm…I hadn’t thought of this theory before. You’re a genius. -CS

  8. Write Procrastinator May 21, 2008 at 10:53 pm #

    “Boom Boom: Never kick a gift horse in the mouth.”

    Actually, I like that one from a humor standpoint.

    She’s very funny that Boom Boom. -CS

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