Archive | 2:50 pm

Dating Tips From Catherinette

18 May

Let me give you a little dating tip: when you’re getting ready to go out on a first date with someone, resist the urge to cut your bangs.


Oh god.  He’s going to notice.  Why on god’s green earth did I pick today of all days to trim my bangs?  WHY??  Seriously, it’s bad.  I did something similar when I was a freshman in high school-on yearbook picture day.  I was immortalized in pictures with the most jacked up bangs anyone had ever seen.  Two different lengths, both of which were too short.

How am I going to explain this?  There’s really no reasonable explanation, other than I 3 sheets to the wind and took scissors to my hair to punish myself for all of the mistakes I’ve made in life.  Somehow, I don’t think he’ll understand.

A hat.  Perhaps I will wear a hat.  After all, we are meeting at a bar.  Plus, it helps to cover up the afro that the wonderful rain has given me.

Fuck.  FUCK!!

Thank freaking god I didn’t do anything to my eyebrows…though there is still time.

Blogger’s Remorse

18 May

As I was holding my plastic cup filled with beer, shouting over the loud music while watching a bunch of young 20-something year olds try to mate with one another something struck me: I miss the place that shall not be named. 

I blame this predicimant on the blog.  Ergh.  If only I had just kept everything to myself I would probably still be sitting at that bar drinking my 5th cocktail.  Stupid blogger’s remorse!  Yes, it’s true, I regret posting every single word about he who shall not be named and the place that shall not be named and my stupid crush.  If only I could take those words back so that I could have my bar stool back!

Our first attempt at finding a new place to hang out was…interesting.  We started at Lemongrass and had 2 rounds of drinks.  I couldn’t even bring myself to order the cocotini because it reminds me too much of the drink that shall not be named.  Oh sweet, sweet drink!!  How I miss you.  We watched the bartenders make drinks and it just wasn’t the same.  Mainly because there were a bunch of girls behind the bar and they don’t quite do it for me like the bartender that shall not be named.  We paid our tab, and went to Federal Hill.

Ryleighs.  Fabulous food, excellent cocktails, and totally not our scene on a Saturday night.  We shoved our way through the crowd, ordered some beers, and then stood in the corner surveying the scene.  The conclusion?  We missed the other place. 

We quickly finished our beers and I dragged Jane to Maria D’s for some food as my stomach was digesting itself.  Standing in line we met an extremely inebriated young fellow that had spent the day at Preakness, and who had forgotten to wear sunscreen.  Poor 3rd Degree Sunburn.  He was going to be in for a big painful surprise when the hangover and pain of sunburn set in.

As he teetered in line and pretended to be sober, Jane and I looked at one another.  The message was clear: this would never happen at the place that shall not be named.  3rd Degree Sunburn chatted us up and then “accidentally” grabbed my boobs.  It was awesome.  Just as we thought we had escaped his oh-so-silky-smooth advances, he invited himself to sit at or table.  The 20 minutes that followed were painfully awkward (for him) and very amusing to Jane and to me.  We attempted to inhale our food so as not to prolong the drunken ramblings.  It was painful.  We really tried not to laugh at him, but it was hard not to.  Especially when he started telling us about a restaurant in Orange County, CA with the most authentic Mexican food ever. 

Next weekend will be better.  I have other places in mind for us to try.  There will be no bar fights this time, and no 3rd Degree Sunburns for us to attempt to avoid.  Just some booze, and maybe the right replacement for the place that shall not be named.  Oh god I hope he can find it, because the temptation to go back there is killing me.