More Modern “Marvels”

16 May

It was good enough for you last year, it’s good enough for you again this year.  I even went ahead and added new stuff, just for you.

There are certain things in the modern world that leave me scratching my head. Why do these things exist? Why do they make people happy? And in some cases, why on god’s green worth would someone spend good money to buy it/them? Here’s the list:

  • Email/IM abbreviations: Every time I see “LOL” or “ROTFLMAO” it makes me want to hunt the person down and slap some sense into them. Don’t be lazy, spell it out.  But please feel free to continue to use IDK and BT dubs because those amuse me.
  • Anonymous Avatars: You know the ones, they look just like a little faceless cartoon figure of a person. If you want to remain anonymous, go to town, but at least pick a better visual representation than a gay ass cartoon with no face.
  • Boost Mobile Phones: Seriously, I do not want to hear your conversation. At what point did people become too lazy to put the phone up to their ear and speak into it? No wonder people are so freaking fat today, we’re so lazy that we can’t lift our phones just 6 inches higher and to the right. Of course we’re not going to go and lift any weights!
  • Blue Tooth: See Boost Mobile Phones.
  • Endless commercials in movie theatres: Remember back in the day (which was a Thursday, according to Dane Cook) when we could go to the movies, spend less on a ticket, and NOT have to watch commercials? Why do I have to watch 20 minutes of stupid Scion and Coke commercials after shelling out so much freaking money for the movie ticket? What have we done to deserve this?
  • Expensive concessions at theatres/sports arenas: $7 for a fucking coke? That’s a joke, right?
  • Removing your Shoes at Airport Security: The madness has to stop. To my knowledge, there was only 1 person who attempted the whole shoe bomb thing. If this was a valid concern for security, then why don’t other countries do it too?
  • American Idol & Survivor: BORING! Everything after the first season just sucks the big bad one.
  • Rachel Ray: Your show sucks and so does your publicist. She/he always makes you look like a fat little piggy. And what’s the deal with your lame ass stage? I’m pretty sure that it doesn’t impress your guests when the find out that they have to sit on the floor. That’s not cool. If I hear you yell “Yummo” one more time, I will kill you with your own shoe.
  • (New) Let’s Make A Deal: Who watches this and why?  People, this is time that you will never get back.  Not.  Ever.  Go outside, clean the house, or at least change the channel!  Save your brain cells while you still can!!  Howie Mandel was much cooler back in the day when he stuck to goofy comedy.
  • (New) Spam Text Message: I know I’m not alone on this one.  Why must “they” ruin everything with spam?  Look, I’ll admit that I eat spam, I actually likeit, but I don’t like receiving.  Especially when I might get charged for it.
  • (New) High Tech Parking Meters:  The inventor of these parking meters needs me to kick him/her right in the shins.  Remember back in the good old days when you could just park your car for free, or maybe just for $.25?  Those were good times.  Now these stupid high tech meters are everywhere and they operate 24/7.  And how freaking high tech are they when the one closest to your car is freaking broken so you have to walk a block up to pay for your little ticket, then walk back to your car to stick it in the god damned window.  Annoying. 

10 Responses to “More Modern “Marvels””

  1. cinnkitty May 16, 2008 at 9:15 am #

    Uhhhh… gotta disagree with ya CS. I think the Bluetooth is the BEST THING EVER!!

    I spend too much time commuting in my car and if I’m on the phone, it’s easier to use the Bluetooth and I’m not doing that awful “head tilt while on the phone” thing that I see SO many people doing that usually results in a car wreck which results in me getting stuck in traffic which results in me not getting home for 3 hours which results in me being seriously pissed off because the lame ass wouldn’t spring $49.95 for a f*ing bluetooth!


    But do you walk around using it in public OUTSIDE of your car? That’s what drives me mad-when people can’t disconnect for the 10 minutes it takes them to walk from one place to the next. -CS

  2. Mike May 16, 2008 at 10:33 am #

    Ooooo #4 and climbing.

    We’re taking over! -CS

  3. Misterzig May 16, 2008 at 11:30 am #

    Oh man, your list rocks! – E-mail abbreviations – arrghh!!! I even hear kids on the bus ride to work talking in abbreviations. I feel like throwing them out of the bus window –

    and parking meters… yep – I agree – (I recently ranted about this as well –

    Anyway, once again – great list!

    Here’s the thing: that code that they’re using is actually code for, “Please, sir, put me out of my misery and throw me out the window.” -CS

  4. pistols at dawn May 16, 2008 at 11:38 am #

    Um…when you wrote about Howie Mandel’s “Let’s Make a Deal,” did you mean “Deal or No Deal?” Because I seem to remember “Let’s Make a Deal” from my childhood, back when I watched TV, and I don’t remember Howie Mandel on it.

    Whatever, same show. That’s how much I hate it, I don’t even know the freaking title. -CS

  5. Del-v May 16, 2008 at 1:36 pm #

    I hate Red Box video rentals. Can’t you sign up for Netflix or steal the movie you want off the internet like everyone else?

    Tee hee, you said box. -CS

  6. Red May 16, 2008 at 3:11 pm #

    I’m anti TV going digital. Now, I don’t watch much TV; I don’t even have cable. But perhaps millions of people will throw away TVs that are still perfectly good and take up lots and lots and lots of room in landfills. A co-worker was telling me Goodwill won’t even take non-flatscreen computer monitors.

    Sister, I’m right there with you. What a freaking waste. -CS

  7. Amadeo May 16, 2008 at 6:29 pm #

    I hate the people that use the new parking meters and then stick the ticket in their windshield wiper…don’t they think that’s kind of dumb? Warning to all I am now on the look out…if you aren’t smart enough to put it INSIDE your car (as the ticket itself states) then I will be taking it.

    Next time I’m downtown I might have to look for someone that’s done that. Maybe their tickety will mysteriously end up INSIDE my car instead of under their windshield wipers. -CS

  8. the princess May 17, 2008 at 9:32 am #

    what a great list. no one can say it quite like you catherinette. fun to read for sure

    I aim to please. 🙂 -CS

  9. Jezebel May 18, 2008 at 12:28 pm #

    Nooooooo…what’s worse than Rachel Ray aka Motor Mouth saying “yummo” is her saying “OO” in place of olive oil. Or her laughing after something she’s said. Or her racing to stuff her face with the food she just made as the credits are rolling. Or…how long do you have???!

    She’s begging to be slapped. -CS

  10. Ginormous Boobs May 30, 2008 at 3:58 pm #

    I gotta say, I dig the “civilized” meters they had up in Oregon and Washington. One, you can pay with credit card. I mean, really, who has 5 bucks in quarters in their pocket. Two, you can remove the sticker and drive around the city and ise it in another spot! How rad is that?!? Three, no more haggling over the time. I got it printed out on my hot little ticket right here parking man.

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