Foot, Meet Ass

15 May

My foot will soon be on it’s way up Little Bus’s ass. I will kill her. She will die. The jury would never convict me for this, I would get off scott freaking free.

Yesterday one of her stupid friends was in town.  As a favor, I offered to sign out the Corporate passes to for her.  You see, working in Corporate America isn’t that bad.  Sure you have to sell your soul before you step in the door, but they do offer some perks.  One of those happens to be Corporate passes to a number of Baltimore attractions.  When we request said passes it requires that we sign a blood oath swearing that they will be returned the following day at 9:00.  Otherwise we will be beaten, publicly humiliated (though I don’t think it could be worse than the myspace debacle from Monday), and we’ll be blacklisted from borrowing the passes again.

Little Bus’s stupid friend took the passes, placed her hand on the bible and promised to return the passes to Little Bus so she could bring them in on time.  Little Bus forgot the passes at her home.

I’m blacklisted!

Can’t I get a freaking break here?  What a shit week.  First that really nice girl* posts that comment on the myspace page.  And then I get blacklisted from the Corporate passes program.  Am.  Seething.  With.  Rage.

Seriously, she’s going to die.  She’s just moved to the top of the list.  I just sent her home to go and pick them up and bring them back here.  I’ll kill her just as soon as she returns.

Okay, now I have to go train a room full of people on customer service skills.  Great.  Perfect mood for it.  They’re going to see talking about the importance of internal customer service and how to work well with others.  I’ll say it all through gritted teeth.  And I’ll have to control my rage and not flip anyone off.  This is going to be hard.

*I totally mean “bitch” when I say that.

12 Responses to “Foot, Meet Ass”

  1. Philly May 15, 2008 at 10:19 am #

    Breathe in, Breathe out

    The rage has subsided. -CS

  2. Infamous JP May 15, 2008 at 10:37 am #

    You should slap 3 ways to Sunday. And of course I mean the Sunday that I am in the B-more.

    You are dirty. And that’s what I love about you. -CS

  3. damon May 15, 2008 at 10:39 am #

    I’m with you.
    I think it should be legal to kill one person every 6 weeks. That seems to be my idiot occurence cycle schedule.
    This also would keep these morons from reproducing.

    We’d be doing it for the good of society. It’s like a public service. -CS

  4. wontletlifedefineme May 15, 2008 at 10:43 am #

    I hate it when you help people out and then something they do puts you in trouble. Is there any way to get off the blacklist? Sounds like the customer service training will be more of an anger management class for you!

    Lit’l Smokey was nice enough to offer to get passes for me if I ever needed them.

    I’m happy to report that no one died during my session. -CS

  5. Ginormous Boobs May 15, 2008 at 10:52 am #

    Killing is so violent…maybe you should just maim her real good.

    She could live without her left leg. -CS

  6. Jinksy May 15, 2008 at 11:08 am #

    I think think people should be able to plead moronic in the case of murder.

    “How do you plead?”
    “Moronic, your honour. The victim was a brain-dead mouth breather, and if I didn’t end their life, they would’ve been hit by a bus. I also have 20 witnesses who can attest to this.”
    “Fair enough. Case dismissed.”

    You should have been a lawyer. -CS

  7. Amadeo May 15, 2008 at 11:23 am #

    Kill her in front of them and create a metaphor they can learn from. “See…bad customer service is like me cutting off her air.”

    Or, I can say that she represents bad customer service and that we won’t deal with it and then kill her. -CS

  8. Del-v May 15, 2008 at 1:30 pm #

    I got my MBA from Harvard. I’ll save you the $70,000 tuition and share the most important lesson I learned about corporate America:

    Never trust your co-workers.

    Write that down. It’ll be on the final.

    If only someone had told me that sooner. -CS

  9. pistols at dawn May 15, 2008 at 2:26 pm #

    If you’d like her to die via the herp, set us up!

    I’d love to see her walk in here with cold sores all over her mouth. -CS

  10. thenextfish May 15, 2008 at 3:23 pm #

    You’re in HR, aren’t you? It all makes sense now.

    Nope, I’m most certainly not. Though that would be totally ironic, wouldn’t it? -CS

  11. Desiree May 15, 2008 at 5:22 pm #

    Oh, hells no!

    Hells no I can’t kill her or hells no she deserves to die? -CS

  12. the princess May 17, 2008 at 9:35 am #

    ohhh bitchy of her. did you slap her? can i help you?

    Thanks for the offer. She’s quite skinny, I think I can take her. -CS

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