Archive | 1:41 pm

Priest’s Delight

15 May

Priests from all over the country will be gathering in Baltimore this weekend.  The Anal Annual Baltimore Boychoir Festival is taking place this upcoming Saturday!

Check out the synopsis that is making some pedophile quiver with anticipation:

The ninth annual Baltimore Boychoir Festival will bring together boys from across the country to join forces in a thrilling musical performance! The concert will be directed by world-renowned composer and former member of the British ensemble The King’s Singers, Mr. Bob Chilcott.

Umm…”thrilling musical performance”?  Really?  For real?  It’s thrilling? 

I have an idea of what songs the priests might find thrilling.  The play list would obviously include the Boychoir’s moving rendition of:

  • I Touch Myself (Divinyls)
  • Closer (Nine Inch Nails)
  • You Give Love a Bad Name (Bon Jovi)
  • Touch Me (Spring Awakening)
  • The Bad Touch (Bloodhound Gang)
  • Like a Virgin (Madonna)
  • Me So Horny (2 Live Crew)

Tickets are still on sale but they’re going fast!!  Act now!

Foot, Meet Ass

15 May

My foot will soon be on it’s way up Little Bus’s ass. I will kill her. She will die. The jury would never convict me for this, I would get off scott freaking free.

Yesterday one of her stupid friends was in town.  As a favor, I offered to sign out the Corporate passes to for her.  You see, working in Corporate America isn’t that bad.  Sure you have to sell your soul before you step in the door, but they do offer some perks.  One of those happens to be Corporate passes to a number of Baltimore attractions.  When we request said passes it requires that we sign a blood oath swearing that they will be returned the following day at 9:00.  Otherwise we will be beaten, publicly humiliated (though I don’t think it could be worse than the myspace debacle from Monday), and we’ll be blacklisted from borrowing the passes again.

Little Bus’s stupid friend took the passes, placed her hand on the bible and promised to return the passes to Little Bus so she could bring them in on time.  Little Bus forgot the passes at her home.

I’m blacklisted!

Can’t I get a freaking break here?  What a shit week.  First that really nice girl* posts that comment on the myspace page.  And then I get blacklisted from the Corporate passes program.  Am.  Seething.  With.  Rage.

Seriously, she’s going to die.  She’s just moved to the top of the list.  I just sent her home to go and pick them up and bring them back here.  I’ll kill her just as soon as she returns.

Okay, now I have to go train a room full of people on customer service skills.  Great.  Perfect mood for it.  They’re going to see talking about the importance of internal customer service and how to work well with others.  I’ll say it all through gritted teeth.  And I’ll have to control my rage and not flip anyone off.  This is going to be hard.

*I totally mean “bitch” when I say that.