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2008 Children’s Classics

14 May

Foxy, Disney, Amber*, and I just got back from lunch.  As we piled into Disney’s sweet Altima (the spoiler makes the car), Foxy announced that she was going to flash her hooha upon exiting the vehicle.  This, of course, was in homage to one of the role models for today’s youth, Paris Hilton.

Upon our arrival to our glorious parking garage, and Foxy’s hooha flashing I was inspired to come up with names for books that will obviously become classics for the kids of the most recent generations.

  • Whoreton Hears a Hooha
  • Winnie the Peen
  • Bi-curious George
  • Frog & Toad are Friends with Benefits
  • Oh the Places You’ll Ho
  • The Adventures of Peenochio

I can just imagine kids and their parents standing in line for hours waiting to get the books fresh off the press.  Forget you JK Rowling and your Harry Potter books.  And I can’t even wait for the film adaptation of the books.  This is a goldmine.  Parents will literally be dragging their kids to the movies.  Especially the dads. 

*Her name is Amber because that’s a stripper name and this girl has a smoking hot body that belongs wrapped around a pole-not in Corporate America.  I mean really, this girl could make some serious cash.  SERIOUS CASH.  Oh, and she’s a gymnast.  I see you boys pulling out your wallets already.

Mmm…Mother’s Day

14 May

Every mother wants to celebrate Mother’s Day with two things: a restaurant that serves spoiled food AND that has bad service.  Well, my dears, do I have the place for you!!  Granted, Mother’s Day is over now, but you can always feel free to go for a birthday celebration, an anniversary, or any other such occasion where you might like to get some food poisoning.

We celebrate Mother’s Day on May 10th, just like all Mexicans do.  This is far better than the U.S. version where you have to constantly wonder what the hell day it’s going to fall on.  I never forget: May 10th.  Every year.  Just like Cinco de Mayo, which, coincidentally, falls on the 5th of May.  How about that? 

On Saturday, my sister, brother-in-law, Damien, and Lucy(fer) took my mother to lunch at a place of her choosing: Arcos restaurant.  We had been in the past and had always had a good time.  The service has always sucked ass, but the food was good.  In the last 6 months since we went there, something totally changed. 

Perhaps the rodent/bug infestation and closure had something to do with it (thank you Baltimore Sun for sharing this with us):

And yet, we were not deterred.  It had been 6 months since the restaurant was close for bug and rodent infestation, so we figured everything was all good.  God, were we wrong.  Let’s recap the list of offenses:

  1. The service sucks.  You literally have to flag the waiter any time you want anything-like a freaking drink.  Or to remind them that you ordered a drink 10 minutes ago.  Or that the first drink you ordered twice still hasn’t arrived.
  2. The food was cold.  My mom had to send her plate back to the kitchen twice.  Apparently they made all the food 2 days ago and had just taken it out of the fridge and were sticking it under heat lamps.  Yuck.
  3. The food was rotten.  The beans they put on Damien’s plate were actually rotten.  My mother had to send this back too.  The waiter actually asked if we wanted more beans.  Umm…no.

The very best part came at the end of the “meal” when the check came to the table.  They charged us for everything, rotten beans and all.  Nice.  My mom demanded to speak to a manager.  Would you believe that there wasn’t one on site?  Instead, it was just the two douche bag waiters AND the kitchen staff making the rotten food.  So my mom proceeded to bitch out the waiter.

The waiter’s response? “Is this going to effect my tip?”

Next time we’re sticking to Los Arcos Dorados (translated into English: the Golden Arches).