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7 May

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Ah, The Joys of Womanhood

7 May

The wonderful monthly reminder that my womb is barren because I haven’t gotten laid in forever and a day. 

There are 3 things that I’d like to do right about now.

  1. Hurl
  2. Crawl into bed
  3. Die

Though not necessarily in that order. 

I have the world’s worst cramps right now.  The super part is that in addition to being in an exorbitant amount of pain, I can barely keep my eyes open.  There are some lucky women out there that have never experienced the incredible discomfort and doubling-over pain of cramps.  To those women I say, “I hate you, bitches.”

How does one even describe the pain of cramps?  I’ll give it my best shot.  Having cramps feels like you’re being kicked in the stomach while you’re nauseated, only the kicking is coming from the inside of your body.  Imagine having your stomach twisted in knots and then it being stomped on.  Repeatedly.  After that’s all over and done with, you get one last kick-for good measure.

The pain is so bad that it’s making me want to throw up all over me keyboard right now.  Right now.  Any second.  Right now.

Ugh.  The pain.