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Protected: Dear John

5 May

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Protected: Using My Powers for Evil Instead of Good

5 May

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Even Worse Than a Yellow(ish) Mustang

5 May

Happy Cinco de Mayo, bitches!!  My celebrating today will probably include some lawn mowing, a taco, and a margarita.  As should yours.  Thankfully, it will not include being picked up by the INS and being deported as I am an American citizen.  Un-boyfriend thinks he’s funny and frequently threatens to call them and have me sent back to where I came from.  He likes to pretend that I am not from Bethesda, MD.  He is special.  Short-bus special.

Anyway, this post has nothing to do with my Mexican heritage (too late).  Let us change subjects now and talk about my hateful white trash neighbors.  These are different white trash neighbors than the ones I’ve written about before.  These are the ones that have those 2 boys that I’d like to slap right across the mouths.  They used to bounce their basketball at all hours, skateboard right in front of my house (which would cause my dog to want to jump through the window and kill them) and ride their dirt bikes-right on everyone’s front lawns.

Last week, they moved.  I don’t know the whole story, but I do know that they were asked to vacate their rental property.  They ended up moving to a family member’s house-just 2 doors down from me in the opposite direction.  Joy.  I haven’t seen too much of them since then, thank god, except for the abomination that they left parked in front of my house.

The car had been parked across the street for a year.  An entire freaking year.  Then, on the day they got the boot, they decided to move it directly in front of my house.  Why??  What did I ever do to them?  Aside from curse them under my breath and give the kids the evil eye when they congregated on my front lawn?  Rat bastards.

It’s been there for almost a week and they have no intention of moving it.  So I did what any other loving caring neighbor would do: I called the cops and reported it as an abandoned vehicle.  Too bad those suckers let the registration expire 2 months ago.  Their tags will now get confiscated.  The cops said that it’ll probably take a few weeks, and that they’d start processing it immediately.  Frankly, I don’t care if it gets towed or not, I just want it away from my house.

A very happy Cinco de Mayo to you, white trash neighbors.