Georgia Rule

1 May

I love going out on girl dates.  They’re so much fun.  You talk, you drink, you make fun of other people, and you never have to worry about ending up in the back of some yellow(ish) Mustang.  Your friends cheer you on if you’re on the cusp of making a bad decision, and then mock you endlessly the next day.  But you know what, you’d do the same thing to them.  Girlfriends just rock.

One of the things I’ve enjoyed most about writing this blog is having the chance to meet people I never would have met.  Georgia, is one of those people.  Last week we went on our very first girl date (Saturday we went on our second).  She’s funny, she’s cute, and she can do a Southern accent that will leave you in stitches.  Oh, and she has the cutest little jackets you’ve ever seen.

Anyway, I learned something really valuable when I was out with Georgia on Thursday.  I learned about the 4 pump rule.  Have you heard about this?  Because if you have and you never told me, I hate you forever.  Here it is: it doesn’t count as sex if he pumps 4 times or less.  It’s gold!  I’ve never heard of such a wonderful rule-and with such a great name.  Sure I’ve heard of the 2 pump chump, or someone Larry Byrding it (2 pumps and a shoot, thanks to Muffy for introducing me to that one), but the 4 pump rule actually reduces your numbers!!

By my count, there are at least 2 guys who have now been stricken from my list.  Georgia, thanks for making me feel way more virtuous than I actually am.

22 Responses to “Georgia Rule”

  1. Mike May 1, 2008 at 4:59 pm #

    That’s just sad. On the other hand you could “not” have sex with lots more guys especially if you are in a relationship.

    I’m regularly not having sex, guess I can just pretend like I have a serious boyfriend. Right? -CS

    • Dina June 19, 2009 at 2:40 pm #

      wait i don’t get it, do you want to have sex with the guy or not?

  2. Skylers Dad May 1, 2008 at 5:25 pm #

    Where do you stand on just putting it in and grinding a lot?

    I don’t know. What’s the rule on that one? -CS

  3. Amadeo May 1, 2008 at 6:26 pm #

    4 pumps…weep for these men.

    What about me?? I had to endure it and then was baffled when it was all over. -CS

  4. pistols at dawn May 1, 2008 at 8:05 pm #

    Wait…then I’m still a virgin. I don’t like this rule at all.

    Know what’s funny? I almost freaking wrote in the post that it meant you were still a virgin! Great minds… -CS

  5. courtney May 1, 2008 at 11:31 pm #

    this is why it’s better to go on a date with your best friends instead of stupid boys…i don’t know why these always make me think of you, it’s becoming an obsession i think. anyway…found this little gem on match.com

    “dinner and movie maybee somthin at the show me center
    i hope my perfect mate reads this and enjoys the simplisty of it”

    p.s. the “show me center” is a stadium in Missouri, i know you’re disappointed.

    I’m glad that the terrible spellers make you think of me. 🙂

    Seriously, that guy needs a freaking lesson in spelling. He really does. -CS

  6. Sans Pantaloons May 2, 2008 at 3:34 am #

    Unfortunately I suffer from retarded ejaculation. I can pump away for hours and hours. It’s sad really…

    You poor baby. Here’s why girls don’t like that: after awhile, it starts to hurt and we get bored. Personally, I vote for 8-15 minutes and that’s it. Then you’re getting dressed and going home, and I’m rolling over to go to sleep. -CS

  7. Lady Jaye May 2, 2008 at 8:27 am #

    If someone went 4 pumps or less I’d be seriously pissed off. Geez

    I cry when that happens. -CS

  8. One Date Wonder May 2, 2008 at 8:41 am #

    I need to know what happens if there are more than four pumps, but absolutely no one gets anything out of the experience. Can we cancel it out?

    Come on Georgia, make a rule so I can erase these guys!

    Oh my god and all the small woodland creatures that sing, that would be a marvelous rule. I think I could knock another 3 off the list. -CS

  9. Infamous JP May 2, 2008 at 9:45 am #

    Ok so the rules are… More than 4 pumps. Between 8-15 minutes and then go to sleep? I can do that. But do I really have to drive all the way back home after wards? Can’t I just sleep on the porch or in the tub?

    Here’s the thing: I don’t want to deal with you in the morning. It’s awkward and I don’t care for the small chat. You’ll have to find something to do with yourself. You can come back after I’ve had my coffee and showered. -CS

  10. Sassy May 2, 2008 at 10:31 am #

    How about the 15 minute rule. It is like the 5 second rule guys use to eat things off the floor (dropped M&Ms and toast that lands butter side down). Less than 15 minutes…it never happened.

    OMG, if that was true, I would still be a Virgin.

    Wow, maybe we should just say if the sex happened before you reached 30 then it doesn’t count. That means I’ve only done it with like 4 people (or 3 if we count the 4 pumps rule in there). -CS

  11. Mike May 2, 2008 at 10:38 am #

    Okay here is a rule out of the manhood book. Now I never gave this to you.

    “Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. If the situation warrants, lie about some plausible thing you have to do then hang up if immediately.”

    I’d like to thank you on behalf of women everywhere for sharing this very important rule.

    I nominate you for Man of the Day! It’s new a new prestigious role for this blog. And most likely only going to happen today so congratulations. Enjoy the bragging rights. -CS

  12. the most coolest blogger EVar: Tabbie. May 2, 2008 at 1:22 pm #

    4 pumps??? I’d punch a fool in the face if he was done at 4 pumps.
    Sad. And wait… I would never really punch someone in the face for bad sex. I would just mock them endlessly.

    I would be too sad crying to muster up the strenght to cry. -CS

  13. Georgia May 2, 2008 at 2:04 pm #

    there are many beauties to this rule….

    like, if the dude is too pathetic to only manage 4 pumps, then it’s not sex

    or, if the dude is too pathetic and you realize he is not worthy of more than 4 pumps, then it’s not sex

    there is more where that came from…I’m actually drafting a self-help book…

    I’d like an autographed copy of this book. I’m going to carry it around with me wherever I go. -CS

  14. Desiree May 2, 2008 at 2:11 pm #

    Dear Lord…

    Yes, let’s all thank him for the 4 pump rule. -CS

  15. AK May 2, 2008 at 2:11 pm #

    My $0.02–it’s Larry BIRD, not BYRD. I wonder if there’s a correlation between the speed of release in basketball and sex?

    I’ll never hear the phrase “he’s got a quick release” and not be slightly disgusted / chuckle again…

    Bird. Byrd. Whatever, if it’s 2 pumps and a shoot it sucks no matter how you spell it. -CS

  16. Newmie May 2, 2008 at 2:58 pm #

    Hmmm how do Georgia’s Rule apply to guys suffering from, what I like to call, “Whiskey Dick.” You know, they can pump a whole lot but then nothing happens. If I could take away all of those experiences, I’d be thisclose to Virgin status.

    You know, this Newmie lives in Baltimore City… not too far from Patterson Park and other fine drinking establishments where the bartenders and bouncers, sadly, know me by name.

    Georgia, we’re going to need a ruling on this one…

    I love free booze so you’re going to have to take me to said establishments and make them give me free booze. -CS

  17. Newmie May 2, 2008 at 4:37 pm #

    Newmie’s Rule: A little cleavage tends to go a long way with bartenders. Ahhh….fuck it. It tends to go a long way with straight men, in general.

    This is exactly why I take the girls out with me where ever I go. It’s the little bit I do for the general public: flash them some cleavage. -CS

  18. leonesse May 2, 2008 at 8:11 pm #

    Having been with a 30-second Dude for some time, I thought I was doing something wrong when Holy Shit He Lasts Forever came along.

    Pun not intended.

    Would have been much funnier if the pun had been intended. -CS

  19. One Date Wonder May 3, 2008 at 6:12 pm #

    I just want to chime in by saying that if more girls dates are to be had, especially involving booze and the city…. I want to be involved. That is all.

    And Georgia please, if the much pumping to no avail cancels men out, I can erase two very bad experiences. Help make a One Date Wonder just a little more virtuous, won’t ya?

    Know what? We really need another girl date immediately if not sooner.

    That being said, you both better be available this weekend or I will be angry and enraged. I really want to try Ale Mary’s. Bt dubs, I’m going to that place named after a number that’s located near a park at some point this week. I’m dragging my girlfriend from out of town there. Yay! -CS

  20. Ginormous Boobs May 20, 2008 at 7:29 pm #

    No need for violence with the 4 pump chumps. Write a story for all the world to see and comment on via the blog.

    It’s worked wonders for my aggression.

    Of course one needs to write the story, but we also need to make sure it totally doesn’t count! -CS

  21. LilSass December 23, 2008 at 12:44 pm #

    I just found your blog via the “suggestions” on the google reader. Yeah, you’re totally big time! This is a BRILLIANT rule and I ❤ your blog.

    Yay for google reader showing you the way! Glad you like it. 🙂 -CS

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