Dropping Some NYC

25 Apr

While most of you were sitting at your desks at work, or studying for exams, or running around after small children, I was in New York City enjoying a day of freedom.  My friends and I made the trip for the express purpose of seeing The Daily Show.  Sadly, that didn’t happen.  We did, however, score tickets to The Colbert Report  Suck it, Jon Stewart.

Anyway, this post isn’t about either of those shows, it’s about something much more amusing and humiliating.  You’ll definitely want to top off your coffee/soda/cocktail before continuing…

We arrived in NYC around noonish and most everyone was starving and in need of a bathroom.  The shows film right in Hell’s Kitchen and we had no idea where to go to eat.  We ended up in some cute Italian restaurant who’s name escapes me.  We sat down, ordered our drinks, and then the waiting for the bathroom began.  There was only one tiny bathroom in the back so everyone took turns.

Boom Boom went first, and then it was Lush’s turn.  Depeche Mode was up next and he really had to go.  Thankfully, I was in no need.  5 minutes passed and Lush wasn’t back yet.  The bathroom jokes started.

  • Depeche Mode: Damn it.  i should have gone before her.
  • Boom Boom:  Yeah you should have.  Lush has problems.
  • Me: [To DM} Enjoy that.  Just don’t take a deep breath while you’re in there.

Another 5 minutes went by and still no sign of Lush.

  • Me: Does she have irritable bowel syndrome?
  • BB: I don’t know.  Does she?
  • Me: You said she had problems…?
  • BB: I was just kidding.  Now I’m wondering if she might be sick.

We went back to studying the menu as our stomachs continued to grumble.  A group of 4 sat down behind us and we overheard one of the women asking the waitress where the bathroom was.  We looked at each other and started whispering about how she’d probably not want to go in there.

I don’t know about you, but I do not…ahem…do the “do” outside of my home.  My stomach needs to be rotting and I have to be near death for that ever to happen in a public place.  I’m the type of person that would rather drive home from work (which is 10 minutes away) than use the bathroom at work.  The whole thing stresses me out and I was feeling really bad for Lush.

Finally, after 20 minutes in the bathroom, Lush emerges from the bathroom.  She looked horrified and all of the color had drained from her face.

  • Me: You all right?  We thought we were going to have to send a rescue party after you.
  • Lush: We have to leave RIGHT now.
  • BB: Are you sick?
  • Lush: [Refusing to sit down] No!  Did you order?  We have to leave.  Now.  Someone get the check.
  • DM: I’m starving.  Can’t we just eat.
  • Lush: No.  Now.
  • Me: If you’re not sick, we can just stay.
  • Lush: You don’t understand.  The toilet won’t flush.

DM, BB, and I immediately started laughing at her.  We had tears streaming down our cheeks.

  • Me: Guess someone’s in for a surprise when they go in there.
  • Lush: It’s not what you think.
  • BB: I’m pretty sure it is.
  • Lush: No.  It’s not.  I have my period.

We grabbed the check and left.

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17 Responses to “Dropping Some NYC”

  1. Amadeo April 25, 2008 at 12:14 am #

    Mind instantly flashed to the shower scene in Carrie…and I don’t know why.

    Lord almight, now I’ll have nightmares. Thanks. -CS

  2. Chardonnay April 25, 2008 at 12:19 am #

    PWAHAHAHAHAAHA!

    That is HORRIBLE.

    Worst nightmare ever. -CS

  3. Grant Miller, Esq. April 25, 2008 at 12:46 am #

    Thanks for warning me to put down my Bloody Mary.

    That’s your own fault. -CS

  4. pistols at dawn April 25, 2008 at 1:38 am #

    Oh dear. Still, I’m a hungry man and would have sent her on her way alone.

    Because I’m classy like that.

    You’re a great friend. Always there when one needs you. -CS

  5. Max Candor April 25, 2008 at 1:39 am #

    ugh. We’ve all had bad experiences, though. Maybe not exactly like that, but bad.

    It’s called the “Away Game” when you have to deuce at someplace other than the home court. And I’m with you in that I don’t play away games unless its absolutely necessary.

    I vote no on all away games. I’m not playing. -CS

  6. Suze April 25, 2008 at 2:20 am #

    Don’t you love friends that make you laugh…at them!

    They’re my very favorite kind! -CS

  7. tabbie April 25, 2008 at 3:40 am #

    I do the do whenever the do calls.

    That’s against nature. You’re supposed to hold it and suffer when you’re out of your house. It’s the law. -CS

  8. Bee April 25, 2008 at 3:56 am #

    That is my WORST nightmare!

    Join the club! -CS

  9. Bee April 25, 2008 at 3:56 am #

    But oh the comedic value of it all!

    She would kill me in my sleep if she knew that I had written the story. 🙂 -CS

  10. Jess April 25, 2008 at 6:13 pm #

    That’s pretty funny but I feel for the poor girl.

    She’ll have nightmares for the rest of her life. I totally would. -CS

  11. Infamous JP April 25, 2008 at 6:33 pm #

    *blink blink*

    Not only is my breakfast now ruined, but now I can’t go into the office bathroom to “do the do” for fear of being right after the secretary.

    *blink blink, shudder!*

    Now you’ll never be able to go to the office bathroom again. -CS

  12. DatingatForty April 25, 2008 at 7:50 pm #

    Do the do at work? I think if I did I’d have to quit. Immediately.

    That’s really the best thing to do. -CS

  13. Bex April 25, 2008 at 9:06 pm #

    That is hilarious. There is nothing worse than having an emergency dump or period when you are in a confined space and everyone knows you’re in there. Funny story, though!!!

    It makes it even worse when people keep knocking on the door because they have to go too. -CS

  14. deb April 25, 2008 at 10:13 pm #

    nice. i won’t do the “do” in public either. i am glad i am not the only one who will stop whatever i am doing to drive home and take care of the “do.”

    You are most certainly not the one. -CS

  15. Lola Magnolia April 26, 2008 at 2:15 am #

    Ya’ know, I was really hungry before I read this post. So I got a great laugh from it but I lost my appetite. Oh well, the appetite will return at some point!

    At leat you weren’t reading it while you were eating anything. -CS

  16. leonesse April 28, 2008 at 4:15 am #

    Nightmare in Hell’s Kitchen. Ugh.

    Damn it! I totally should have used that as the title of the post! -CS

  17. Ginormous Boobs May 8, 2008 at 10:57 am #

    I need to know how you work the logistics of this…how do you manage to be within doo distance of your house at all times?

    It’s all about planning ahead. It requires a lot of planning ahead. -CS

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