You Freaking Tease!

22 Apr

We’re entering week 3 of my foray into on line dating on match.com.  It’s been a wild ride.  And by “wild ride” I mean “mostly worthless but having some entertainment value for the masses.” Over the weekend I received an email from a guy that has no picture on his profile.  Typically, these are immediately deleted as I’m afraid it’s going to be a one eyed purple people eater or something.  I made an exception for this guy because he is British.

I am an anglophile and it’s my dream to have some hot British bloke talk dirty to me with his hot sultry accent.  I bite.  I send him my email address and he sends pictures.  Guess what?  He’s hot!  “Score!” I think to myself.  “Finally, my dreams of a dirty shagfest are coming true.”  I respond to him, and ask him to tell me more about himself.  I end the exchange with, “If you tell me you have an accent I’m putty in your hands.”

His response?  No response.  I never heard from him.

Know why he never responded?  Because I thought that something might come out of it!  See, once again reinforcing my theory of magical thinking.

14 Responses to “You Freaking Tease!”

  1. Payne by name April 22, 2008 at 9:55 pm #

    Hello treacle (best Dick van Dyke accent).

    Are you telling me that if I just went ahead and dropped you an email (which I’ve been contemplating due to how much I enjoy your site) we could be chatting sexy talk with my south east london accent?

    If I dropped you one you probably wouldn’t respond, unless of course you are the woman currently emailing me and telling me how ‘obscene’ and ‘insulting’ my t-shirts are?

    How could you tell it was me sending you all of those emails?? I thought I was hiding my identity so well! -CS

  2. thenextfish April 22, 2008 at 10:05 pm #

    Ohhh that sucks. Maybe he had to fly out for an emergency funeral and will come back and sweep you off your feet next week. Or the pictures weren’t actually him.

    Yeah, no, I doubt both of those things. Instead I desired him so he automatically lost interest. -CS

  3. Jenna April 22, 2008 at 10:52 pm #

    Dirty things do indeed sound better in a British accent, I will confirm. However, I don’t think this is your magical negative thinking. You maybe made a misstep with that line. Experience tells me people get bored real quick with someone just amused by their accent. Think of how you would feel if people only talked to you because they liked the funny way you said things. It gets demoralizing.

    What you need to do is to go to London, where the Brits will be just as fascinated by your accent as you are by theirs. Perfect harmony 🙂

    Now all I need is someone to finance my trip… -CS

  4. [Cherry] Ride April 22, 2008 at 11:02 pm #

    That’s a bummer. Brits are hot though, no doubt. Maybe he just got distracted by your charm and wit.

    Then screw him right in his British a-hole. -CS

  5. Payne by name April 22, 2008 at 11:09 pm #

    Yanks are hotter in my book. though whenever I’ve been there and talked loudly no one has taken a blind bit of notice!

    Trust me, we’re totally swooning and pretending not to care. -CS

  6. Mike April 22, 2008 at 11:12 pm #

    LOL. It’s pretty normal for people to just disappear in online dating world. It’s also hard to not get jaded with it.

    Hey I’ll share the “guys’s that contact me with you. No where in my profile does it say I’m gay or even looking for a guy, but I still get them. You would have liked the muscle bound clod guy.

    That’s pretty funny!! I wonder if those guys pretend to be looking for girls but are really trolling for guys. -CS

  7. pistols at dawn April 22, 2008 at 11:56 pm #

    I feel like part of the problem here is that everyone expects a quick fix. Well, it didn’t work for my herp, and it won’t work that way for dating, either.

    Men contact hundreds of women on these sites, I imagine, given that it’s so easy to just send people a quick, poorly spelled email. Asking them to spend time actually responding to something insightful weeds out the d-bags quickly.

    I mean, the whole reason you’re doing this online is because most of us are d-bags, right? Why should online be any different?

    I hadn’t thought about it that way. You’re right, you all are d bags-nothing changes when it’s online! This is like an epiphany for me! -CS

  8. Amadeo April 23, 2008 at 4:24 am #

    Maybe he’s really british and likes women who go to high tea and have stick up their butts.

    Well, I do enjoy tea. I’ll pass on the butt stick though. F that noise. -CS

  9. Lady Jaye April 23, 2008 at 5:49 am #

    Move to England with me next year. I’ve already got a hot little British bloke waiting on me over there and I’m sure he’s got plenty of FINE friends.

    I’m tempted! Instead, let’s do this: I will visit you and you can just have a bunch of blokes all set for me when I arrive! -CS

  10. SinCity April 23, 2008 at 10:13 am #

    I *totally* am a sucker for the British accent. The guy who produces my podcast is a brit and damn I love talking to him on skype…

    I’m sorry the dude disappeared, but I was going to suggest like others, that it wasn’t your magical thinking but “the line” about the accent…

    and I’m totally bummed for you!!

    so, I have a thought – let’s put your magical thinking to work but like in reverse psychology mode – all the guys you totally DO want something with, say you totally DON’T and then they’ll be putty in YOUR hands 🙂

    So guess what? He ended up emailing me yesterday… -CS

  11. SinCity April 23, 2008 at 8:04 pm #

    no way! that’s awesome! woo hoo!!!

    you worked your reverse psychology magical thinking, didn’t you?!

    i hope your day gets better!!

    i’m off to jury duty in the ‘hood’ apparently… if no one hears from me ever again I was taken out in a whirlwind of gun fire…
    or a blaze of glory…

    Holy crap does that ever bite!! Good luck!! -CS

  12. Angie April 23, 2008 at 10:17 pm #

    what happened on the date w/ other match guy? Did I miss that?

    You’ve missed nothing, I’ve just been slow. -CS

  13. Andrew April 24, 2008 at 12:00 am #

    Being a life support system for an accent can be a little tiresome at times. Leave accent comments for a little while…

    Trust me, every time he goes out he probably hears “I love your accent, where are you from”….

    Pistols also hits the nail on the head, online dating is the same as meeting people when out, but just a much larger pool to choose from, way back when I did it for some reason I was a target for pre-op transvestites, one of whom sent a very revealing picture of he/she/its enhancements.

    Darn it! It’s too late. And now he has my phone number and says he’s going to call me. Yeah. Right. I’ll believe that when I hear it. -CS

  14. Ginormous Boobs April 26, 2008 at 10:15 pm #

    I once received the BEST email on a dating site. Seriously funny and smart and all of that (and not just a mass email). I wrote him back…and waited…and waited…and heard nothing.

    Luckily, I decided to quit waiting and email him one more time about his hatred of cheese (who hates cheese?!?).

    Turns out he just hadn’t been on the site in a while. So he wasn’t dissing me.

    SO glad I didn’t write him off.

    Well we managed to get to text messaging and emailing. So unless he lost his computer AND phone, I’m pretty sure it’s all over and done with and I’ll never get my Brit. -CS

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