Archive | 7:49 pm

I Need a Witness!

19 Apr

There are Jehovah’s witnesses knocking on my door right now.  I happened to peek out my window about 2 minutes before they knocked.  I saw a bible.  I knew they were coming for me.  I’m not going down there right now, the whole thought of having to deal with their questions bores me to tears.  Plus I’m not wearing any pants.  If only I had the courage to walk down there and open the door in just my shirt on.  And then we could have this conversation:

  • Me: Good morning.  Can I help you?
  • Them: Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your lord and savior?
  • Me: Have I done what?  Look, you’re not trying to sell me something, are you?  Because I’m not buying.
  • Them: No, we’re not selling anything.  We’re giving away the message of Jesus Christ and his all embracing love and power.
  • Me: Jesus who?  Wait.  Are you guys here for some political campaign?  Because I have already told you people that I’m not endorsing your candidate.
  • Them: No, were’ here about Jesus.
  • Me: Cheezits?  I don’t have any cheezits. 
  • Them: Not cheezits, Jesus.  You know, from the Good Book [showing bible]?
  • Me: I already have one of those.  I never use it.  It’s so much easier to just find telephone numbers on line now.  If you’ll excuse me, I have to go put some pants on. 


19 Apr

Good lord this day is freaking d…r…a…g…g…i…n…g.  I’m doing my very best to not lay my head on my desk and fall asleep.  The only thing keeping me from doing this is the knowledge that I’d drool all over the desk and someone would see that.  Hello, embarrassing.

On top of the sleepiness I’m bored.  To tears.  Literally, to tears.  I’m yawning all over the place while I stare blankly at my computer screen and it makes my eyes water.  Ugh, let this day be over.

Entertain me people.  Dance!