I Missed My Calling

18 Apr

Math was not my favorite subject in school.  The second that a word problem was presented to me, I could feel the sweat begin to take over my upper lip.  Yesterday it occurred to me that the reason people hate word problems is because they are totally irrelevant to everyday life.  Who the hell cares how long it’s going to take a train to get to the station.  The only thing people want to know is what time the train is leaving and when it’s going to arrive.  They also want to know where to get their refund if it’s delayed because they happen to be on Train B which is traveling 20 miles slower than Train A.  How come the station agent forgot to mention that they should totally get on Train A if they were interested in getting to their destination on time?? 

Then it struck me!  I came up with an idea for getting kids interested in school: use word problems about bad decisions.  They’ll pay attention and they may learn something for future use.  Witness my genius: 

Example #1:  If it takes a 200 pound man 12 oz of hard liquor and 3 Irish Car Bombs to make 1 bad decision and test positive for the clap, how much will it take a man weighing 170 pounds?

Example #2: A 125 pound woman gets pregnant after 2 dates with a man driving a Yellow(ish) Mustang and consuming 3 Blue Moons.  How many Blue Moons will it take for a 140 pound woman to meet with the same fate after the same amount of dates?

That certainly would have made me sit up and pay attention.  My freaking tutor would have totally gotten his money’s worth.



8 Responses to “I Missed My Calling”

  1. Infamous JP April 18, 2008 at 12:37 am #

    The answer for both is 0. now let me explain.

    the 170 lb man was forced into being the DD cause the 200 lb man threatened to eat his children.

    the 140 lb woman, saw that the Yellow(ish) Mustang driver was a D-bag by how he threw away the 125 lb woman so quickly that she threatened to castrate him before he came near her.

    Nice new layout BTW.

    I’ll give you the response to number 1, not number 2. You see, girls like to think that we hold magical powers. These imaginary superpowers allow us to change men. The 145 would think she could do things differently and that he would change as a result. -CS

    Does the new layout inspire you to send dirty pics? That was the purpose in changing it.

  2. SinCity April 18, 2008 at 1:06 am #

    It’s 2pm. I’m sneaking a looky loo at bloggy blogs at work or else I lose my mind.

    and now am convinced I may be… you totally changed your template!
    I’m not gonna lie… I miss the martinis… granted, that’s a typical feeling while at work regardless…

    but I digress 🙂

    But now there are cosmos. Don’t you like those? They’re on the right, and actually on the left too… -CS

  3. Payne by name April 18, 2008 at 1:35 am #

    I didn’t like it when they pulled those sneeky bastard questions like ‘how long would it take an Irish labourer to dig half a hole”.

    I’m in temple thumping maths mode and they attempt something humourous and crafty.

    I assume you studied biology and chemistry, for you seem very ‘up’ on the effects of alcohol on the human body.

    Umm, yeah, I totally studied biology and chemistry. That’s why I know about booze. Because I studied it in school. -CS

  4. the most coolest blogger EVar: Tabbie. April 18, 2008 at 2:07 am #

    my tutoring sessions are about to get a lot more interesting. fuck off, Dr. Suess! Tabbie’s got a new plan.

    Maybe Dr. Suess should have written word problems, that might have made it more interesting too. But not as good as mine! -CS

  5. pistols at dawn April 18, 2008 at 3:28 am #

    This would have gotten me at least through precalc.

    That means a lot to me. -CS

  6. Amadeo April 18, 2008 at 4:50 am #

    Don’t give away what you can sell!!!

    Funny, my mother always says the same thing to me. -CS

  7. ECD April 18, 2008 at 5:07 pm #

    You’re a gee-nee-us!

    I’m the new Einstein in these parts. -CS

  8. adatingdiary April 18, 2008 at 6:31 pm #

    I would totally get an A in that class.

    As for problem B, it depends. Does the dude in question know how to work what he has??? if so, 1 Blue Moon could be enough.

    If he were that smooth I think she might buckle after a glass of water and a wink. -CS

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