I’m A Mexican, Not a Mexican’t

17 Apr

Guess what I did tonight?  Go ahead, take a guess!!  I’ll give you a hint: it involved celebrating my Mexican heritage.

Any guesses?

I bought a lawn mower!  Finally, at the age of 34 I fully embraced my roots.  My dead abuelita (that means grandmother) would have been so proud.  It’s a very shiny red Craftsman.  So pretty.  I eagerly raced home to take it out of the box and finally cut down the jungle that was taking over my front lawn.  Oh, if it were only that simple.  That bastard mower was heavy. 

After unpacking the damned thing, filling it with oil, and gasoline-it was time to get started.  20 freaking minutes, that’s how long it took me to figure it out.  Yeah, I’m slow, I know.  There I was, pushing the thing thinking, “this blasted thing is really heavy,” when it occurred to me that I had to adjust the height.  Der!  That totally fixed the weight of the blasted thing.  It did not, however, bring back the grass that I cut so low that it will probably never grow back.  Great.  Super.

Wait, it gets better.  After adjusting the height and finishing one side of the lawn, it was time to move on to the tricky side.  The one side of the lawn is tricky for a few reasons: there’s an octagonal wooden box around a tree, a light post, and a water meter low in the grass (I think you know where this is going).  “Don’t hit the water meter.  Don’t hit the water meter,” I chanted to myself.  Apparently I was too worried about hitting it to pay attention to where the hell it was and I promptly ran over the bugger.  There was a terrible grinding noise and then shiny new Craftsman just stopped.

“Shit,” I thought, followed by relief that I purchased that warranty from Sears.  The stupid thing didn’t want to start so I flipped the mower over.  Blade wasn’t looking so hot, but it didn’t look dead.  I tried again and it finally started.  Thank freaking God!  The water meter, on the other hand, didn’t fare so well.  Not sure who the hell I’m supposed to call to get that fixed.  Oops. 

This experience has taught me something very important about my being Mexican: I should stick to eating Tacos and drinking Coronas.  Mowing the lawn is not for me.

17 Responses to “I’m A Mexican, Not a Mexican’t”

  1. the princess April 17, 2008 at 5:41 am #

    know what? the first time I ever mowed a lawn (gutter again..hehe) was not even 2 years ago when I moved into my current place–I was 35. i bought an electric one. always gotta keep an eye on the cord, that’s the trick. good for you getting it working and all.

    Last year was the first time I ever did it (THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!). My neighbor let me borrow his electric mower. Think that it might have been easier than the gas mower. Stupid lawn mowing. I hate it! -CS

  2. Suze April 17, 2008 at 6:05 am #

    Press in/pump a couple of times the little squeezy rubber button up on the front. I think that’s like the choke or something. Anyway, you have to do that before you pull the string to get it to work. I know how to do that and run over tulips – that is it.

    Getting the thing to start isn’t as easy as you’d think. I had to pull the string about one million billion times. That’s a lot. -CS

  3. Lady Jaye April 17, 2008 at 6:30 am #

    Lucky you that you just recently got to have the joy of embracing your Mexican heritage.

    I’m adopted and my white parents have been using me as their own personal Mexican Lawn Care Service since I was 11.

    Hey, since you’ve got advanced skills, did you want to come over and mow my lawn too? I’ll pay you in churros. -CS

  4. thenextfish April 17, 2008 at 7:33 am #

    “Not a Mexican’t” I love a lame play on words… I’m going to be giggling to myself all night. I have a sheltered life.

    It sounds like you need to invest in a weedtrimmer now to get all those tricky bits the lawnmower can’t get (assuming you’re not running over things you shouldn’t be).

    It’s not that you’re sheltered, it’s that it’s that funny. It really is. How could you not love at Mexican’t?? Come on! It’s GOLD! -CS

    F that noise. I don’t care if the grass is all longer in some places. I’m not trying to impress anyone (as you all should know by now). -CS

  5. Ginormous Boobs April 17, 2008 at 10:16 am #

    I’ll believe you’re Mexican when you invest in a leaf blower.

    Know what? I almost got one last year. -CS

  6. One Date Wonder April 17, 2008 at 4:19 pm #

    Further proof you should have simply invested in a lawn service instead.

    Otherwise yeah…. press the little primer button two or three times, Hold the safety bar on the handle in, and yank the cord. Hard. (Oh the dirty thoughts just now…) Also, I bet you need a new blade now. Your friendly Sears store will help you.

    And if you get a weed whacker? Totally go electric. Trust me. The gas ones have a throttle and choke and are generally a nightmare. It’s not good.

    Anything that requires advanced skill set will be handled by something else. Mowing is as far as I go. Screw all the rest of it. -CS

  7. Payne by name April 17, 2008 at 4:48 pm #

    Why did you get a petrol powered one?

    That seems a little grubby or nail breaking for a ‘lady’, unless of course you completed said task in baggy, denim dungarees, hair tied up with a pencil and a red neckerchief.

    Is your yard so big that the power cord wouldn’t stretch?

    I bought that one because I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. I totally could have gotten the electric one, but thought that the gas powered one was supposed to be better. Frankly, I have no freaking idea what I’m doing. -CS

  8. cinnkitty April 17, 2008 at 5:06 pm #

    If it makes you feel any better.. my ex is part Hispanic and he SUCKED at mowing the lawn. So it may or may not have anything to do with the blood line..heh..heh..heh…

    That doesn’t help me. It would have been much better if you said he was great at it and he happened to live in Baltimore. -CS

  9. Andrew April 17, 2008 at 5:39 pm #

    Just go down to the nearest 7-11 early in the morning, and ask one of the multitudes of day laborers to come and mow it every other week.

    Either that or just concrete over the damn thing with a huge BBQ grill right in the middle.

    But no, you can’t be Mexican’t as you didn’t mow the grass and find a half rotted car underneath..

    I’d have to drive down to the city for that. We don’t have too many out here by my 7-11. On the otherhand, if I’m looking for Mary Jane, I’m sure I could find here there. -CS

  10. Red April 17, 2008 at 5:48 pm #

    Ugh. Mowing lawns is boy work! I’m a believer that women CAN do anything men can do, but there are certain things I’d really rather not. And in my case, I actually can’t lift heavy things or open jars. That’s when I need a big strong man (or just one of my stronger female roommates) around to save me!

    I’m well aware that this is boy’s work. If only I had a freaking boy to do it. -CS

  11. Amadeo April 17, 2008 at 6:37 pm #

    Everytime I see that movie I want dude to hit Johnny Depp in the face and yell: “I Mexican whoop your ass for questioning me!!!!”

    That totally would have made it better. I frequently yell that during my meetings. -CS

  12. Mike April 17, 2008 at 7:53 pm #

    I think the warranty only covers normal wear and tear not destroying a water meter, but hey that’s me.

    Let’s all thank goodness that you’re not Sears. 🙂 -CS

  13. pistols at dawn April 17, 2008 at 8:12 pm #

    This is yet another reason to continue living in apartments forever.

    Also, I don’t appreciate your stereotypes. Around here, the Manuel laborers are Salvadorean, not Mexican. Completely different.

    Wow. I love how you called them Manuel as opposed to manual laborers. Nice. -CS

  14. Skylers Dad April 17, 2008 at 8:47 pm #

    Is Our lady of Guadalupe the patron saint of lawn mowers?

    Bet you didn’t know that Guadalupe actually means “green lawn”. -CS

  15. Lady Jaye April 17, 2008 at 8:52 pm #

    Baby if you’re paying me in churros I’ll be there tomorrow.

    How could anyone say no to a delicious churro? -CS

  16. the most coolest blogger EVar: Tabbie. April 18, 2008 at 2:05 am #

    when you’re finished with that, please come clean up my driveway yard. It’s all weedy.

    I will totally get on that right away. -CS

  17. Alexis Gonzalez May 29, 2008 at 12:45 pm #

    GO MEXICANS!

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