Archive | 9:26 pm

Boozy Suzy Saturday Plans

10 Apr

Guess who has a date this weekend with one of Baltimore’s hottest hotties?  ME!!  This is so exciting, y’all (yes, I have suddenly developed a Southern accent).  Okay, so it’s a girl date, but still!!

New outfit?  Check!  I’ll look ultra foxy in this new blouse and great new pants.  Got the shoes all picked out, and the handbag (Michael Kors, of course).  Ugh, I hope that Simone doesn’t make an appearance that will be the absolute worst. 

Guess where we’re going?  To a restaurant named after a number near a park in Baltimore, my new favorite place with glorious cocktails!  Oh, and first, we’re going to go have some wine at Chesapeake Wine Company.  And perhaps the booze will make us do crazy things: like make bad decisions and go home with guys that drive Camaros.

Ladies and gentlemen (and I use those terms very loosely), this weekend, I am going out on the town with Ms. Jane Wonder.  Better known as One Date Wonder!  Two of Baltimore’s biggest dating powers (and I use that term loosely too) will unite to mock the world and drink booze!  Watch out, we might mock you.

Is it Match or Mach dot com?

10 Apr

We’re entering into week two of my foray into online dating on So far, nothing. Well, that’s not true. There have been some winks and emails from a few guys.  2 of whom are cute-one is even charming! Clearly there is something wrong with him or else I wouldn’t be attracted to him.

As for the other eligible bachelors, it’s pretty disappointing.  What strikes me as incredibly strange is that people expect you to respond when they’re making half assed attempts.  Haven’t reached that level of desperation yet.  If I had, we all know I’d be in the arms of the driver of a yellow(ish) Mustang.

For those of you that are also taking your chances with online dating, let me give you a few tips on increasing your odds at piquing someone’s interest.

  • Add a picture on the profile.  A wink from a suitor with no picture? This leads me to believe that there’s something horribly wrong with your face.  What is it?  Only one eye?  Missing all your front teeth?  Or perhaps they’re rotting out of your mouth?  Multiple chins?  There’s a mystery there, and I’m not going to be there to uncover it.
  • Freaking spell/grammar check your profile.  Good lord, people!  You’re supposed to be impressing potential mates out there, not making me roll my eyes because you need to go back to 4th grade.  Don’t believe me?  Well guess what?  I have some wonderful examples for you:

Example No. 1: “HI i am a out going and a big sence of hummer and alot of laugh . i love to have fun in the gig out doors i love kids i love to go to nascr races and canping long walkes on the beach under the stares i likt to take the dog for walk” I’m sorry, you like to have fun in the gig outdoors?  What does that mean?  Also, I’ve never heard of canping or beaches under the stares.  Under the stares of who?  People wondering why you made it out of grade school?

Example No. 2: “I am tall dark an handsome i love to travel an i like doing diffrent things with someone special ,i think thats the best way to get a chance to know someone .Doing things together.I am very sensitive to my womans needs those are important things.”  Okay, so this isn’t quite as bad as the first example, but it’s still bad.  Let’s work on punctuation, shall we?

Example No. 3: “A breif decription of who i am is as follows: im caring , loving , open minded , compassoinate , affectionate , honest , anventurous , communicative , man. I believe in the the golden rule do un to others as you want done un to you . i take love and relationships to heart no room for games of the heart , and not a selfish person and don’t expect that in a succnificant other.”  I don’t even know where to start on this one.  First, let me say good luck on finding your succnificant other.  Clearly your decription of yourself as anventurous and communicative will melt some poor woman’s heart.

And this, my good people, is just some of what I’ve had the chance to experience in my search for a “succnificant” other.