No, I was not the defendent in a stalking case. He promised that he liked it when I parked my car outside his house and followed him around all over the place. He even told the cops that when they offered to take me away.
Yesterday (after 6 freaking months) was the trial date for my psycho neighbor’s jailbird ex boyfriend. Since I was the one that called the cops on him, the State saw fit to call me in as a witness. That’s right, I was served. Good times. And so I found myself at the County Courthouse yesterday afternoon. Simone, Michael Kors and I found it to be a truly enlightening experience, which I’ll tell you all about later.
Missing me as she always does when she’s trapped at work and I am not, Foxy decided to put together a wonderful little something-something for me. So now I present to you:
Foxy’s Top 10 Awesome Things About Spending Your Monday in Court:
10: You might meet a hot guy by the metal detectors.
9. You can finally put all that legal lingo you picked up from watching Law & Order re-runs to good use.
8. It’s an opportunity to learn new gang signs.
7. Meth heads say the dardnest things!
6. You can pick up some helpful pointers from a hooker (and she won’t charge in order to avoid incriminating herself). Score!
5. You can request that instead of using a bible to swear you in, they use a Michael Kors handbag.
4. You can demand to know why all judges don’t wear the little lace collar like Judge Judy does.
3. If a creepy guy hits on you, you can say, “I’d like to hold you…in contempt!”
2. If the judge is attractive, you can ask him, “Is that a gavel in your robe or are you just happy to see me?”
And the #1 awesome thing about spending your Monday in court-
You can stand up in the middle of the proceedings and tell the judge you want to please Nolo Contendere to being a hottie.
Nice…I’m imagining the judge saying…”Let the record show…Ms. Singleton is a hottie.”
That’s totally how the whole session started! -CS
LMAO that was great.
That Foxy is pretty brilliant. -CS
I spend time in court for my course, my favourite bit is always when they feel you up by the metal detectors. Score! 😀
That happened to me too, and the guy didn’t even work at the courthouse. It was kind of awkward when they hauled him away. -CS
Last time I went to traffic court it was funnier than anything you could hope to see on TV.
You know what? It’s cheap entertainment. I even got free parking out of the deal. -CS
I’d file a motion to strike your shirt from the record.
You tried that already. Your motion was DENIED! -CS
I need to recruit foxy as my friend to make me happy like that with lists and junk.
She does make some excellent lists. -CS
I like the sound of foxys thinking. Ask her if she has any cool thoughts about returning back to work lol
Foxy, your list making services are needed. -CS
If this was a TV series, I would tune in every week.
Law & Order: CS
I’m totally going to pitch this idea to NBC!! On my show, Eliott Stabler and I would totally knock boots. He is hot. -CS
“Is that a gavel in your robe or are you just happy to see me?”
Or you could “request a sidebar, your Honor. Right here (point to desired area).”
Hmm…maybe you and Foxy should join forces. -CS
“7. Meth heads say the dardnest things!”
This is genius.
That Foxy is clever. -CS
Now I always wonder if the judge is using a penis pump up under that robe like that one that got busted a few years ago.
It’s totally possible, though it would have been totally strange when I was in court on Monday. The judge was a woman. -CS