My Day In Court

8 Apr

No, I was not the defendent in a stalking case.  He promised that he liked it when I parked my car outside his house and followed him around all over the place.  He even told the cops that when they offered to take me away.

Yesterday (after 6 freaking months) was the trial date for my psycho neighbor’s jailbird ex boyfriend.  Since I was the one that called the cops on him, the State saw fit to call me in as a witness.  That’s right, I was served.  Good times.  And so I found myself at the County Courthouse yesterday afternoon.  Simone, Michael Kors and I found it to be a truly enlightening experience, which I’ll tell you all about later.

Missing me as she always does when she’s trapped at work and I am not, Foxy decided to put together a wonderful little something-something for me.  So now I present to you:

Foxy’s Top 10 Awesome Things About Spending Your Monday in Court:

10: You might meet a hot guy by the metal detectors.

9. You can finally put all that legal lingo you picked up from watching Law & Order re-runs to good use.

8. It’s an opportunity to learn new gang signs.

7. Meth heads say the dardnest things!

6. You can pick up some helpful pointers from a hooker (and she won’t charge in order to avoid incriminating herself). Score!

5. You can request that instead of using a bible to swear you in, they use a Michael Kors handbag.

4. You can demand to know why all judges don’t wear the little lace collar like Judge Judy does.

3. If a creepy guy hits on you, you can say, “I’d like to hold you…in contempt!”

2. If the judge is attractive, you can ask him, “Is that a gavel in your robe or are you just happy to see me?”

And the #1 awesome thing about spending your Monday in court-

You can stand up in the middle of the proceedings and tell the judge you want to please Nolo Contendere to being a hottie.

11 Responses to “My Day In Court”

  1. Amadeo April 8, 2008 at 10:01 pm #

    Nice…I’m imagining the judge saying…”Let the record show…Ms. Singleton is a hottie.”

    That’s totally how the whole session started! -CS

  2. Mike April 8, 2008 at 10:20 pm #

    LMAO that was great.

    That Foxy is pretty brilliant. -CS

  3. Sam April 8, 2008 at 10:21 pm #

    I spend time in court for my course, my favourite bit is always when they feel you up by the metal detectors. Score! 😀

    That happened to me too, and the guy didn’t even work at the courthouse. It was kind of awkward when they hauled him away. -CS

  4. Del-v April 8, 2008 at 10:52 pm #

    Last time I went to traffic court it was funnier than anything you could hope to see on TV.

    You know what? It’s cheap entertainment. I even got free parking out of the deal. -CS

  5. pistols at dawn April 8, 2008 at 10:52 pm #

    I’d file a motion to strike your shirt from the record.

    You tried that already. Your motion was DENIED! -CS

  6. I need to recruit foxy as my friend to make me happy like that with lists and junk.

    She does make some excellent lists. -CS

  7. leky April 9, 2008 at 12:42 am #

    I like the sound of foxys thinking. Ask her if she has any cool thoughts about returning back to work lol

    Foxy, your list making services are needed. -CS

  8. Katrocket April 9, 2008 at 4:13 pm #

    If this was a TV series, I would tune in every week.

    Law & Order: CS

    I’m totally going to pitch this idea to NBC!! On my show, Eliott Stabler and I would totally knock boots. He is hot. -CS

  9. Write Procrastinator April 9, 2008 at 9:04 pm #

    “Is that a gavel in your robe or are you just happy to see me?”

    Or you could “request a sidebar, your Honor. Right here (point to desired area).”

    Hmm…maybe you and Foxy should join forces. -CS

  10. Bob Dobalina April 9, 2008 at 11:55 pm #

    “7. Meth heads say the dardnest things!”

    This is genius.

    That Foxy is clever. -CS

  11. Ginormous Boobs April 11, 2008 at 2:14 am #

    Now I always wonder if the judge is using a penis pump up under that robe like that one that got busted a few years ago.

    It’s totally possible, though it would have been totally strange when I was in court on Monday. The judge was a woman. -CS

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